Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

An Enchanted Evening

I’ve been meeting a lot of angels lately!  Kindred spirits who come and sit next to me, we get to talking and before I know it we have an instant bond, we are in to the same thing, we have a similar purpose. And in a crowded room there is no reason we would ever talk or meet or even be introduced, but as fate would have it, I find myself seated next to an accomplished author, an aspiring poet, a fellow adventuress. It never happened to me as frequently or as obviously in the past as it has been happening lately.

Have you ever asked for a sign from God that you are doing the right thing?  Please Lord, show me the way!  This is how He answers me. It’s as though I am walking my path and the light posts along the way are turning on and everything is brightly lit ahead of me. I can walk on without worry because I know it is a safe route. I know I am being supported. I will not walk alone. Even though my friends and family may not understand what I am doing and even though I didn’t know anyone else personally who has done what I want to do, I do not walk alone.

It is not that I am lacking the confidence to do it. I am not afraid to turn the corner on a dimly lit path, but for some reason the lights are being turned on. It is as if I am being pulled in that direction, lead actually. It feels so right and I want it so much. I have never felt this level of confidence and self assuredness before. I can do this. I am doing it. My vision is coming true. I am making it happen.

This weekend I attended a Masquerade Ball.  I planned to write about it.  It was a 50th birthday celebration of a friend who I recently met through my son.  It was quite magical.  I enjoy a dress up party and having been an event designer, I looked forward to this for the mere joy of attending a well executed party and I hoped it would be.  It far exceeded my expectations!  It was completely enjoyable and lots of fun.  There was amazing food and drink.  The venue and service was exquisite.  The guests were lively and genuinely nice.  The entertainment was perfectly planned, in sync, modest, and served the purpose of highlighting the life of the guest of honor without going over the top.  It truly was magical.  

At the Masquerade Ball

It was magical for me in a very special way.  I had been working on writing my book this weekend.  I am turning the outline of my Life Balance Workshop into an ebook.  Even though I have multiple writing projects currently in the works, I thought I would give the Kindle ebook upload a try with this idea first.  That way, I can have it in time for the Spa Retreat that I am speaking at in October.  (That I am typing these words in reference to my own life is HUGE and very magical!  I can hardly believe it!) 

I am loving the experience of piecing my book together and cannot wait to get it finished so I can get it online, and I relished having a three day weekend to work on it.  Yet, I found myself spending the day at an auto dealership  and taking care of important family business and did not have a chance to get back to it before needing to get ready for the party.  I was trying not to have any really groundbreaking thoughts about the book so I could enjoy the party, hopefully you get what I mean by that!  I really wanted to enjoy myself and be mindful of the moment at hand.  I took lots of pictures and I spoke to everyone at the table.  I was trying hard not to talk about the writing.  I was just being a great mom and wife and enjoying the fantastic cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, when  I began talking to the lady seated next to me.  Guess what!  She is an author, who has around forty books published on Amazon for Kindle!  She was nice enough to tell me to contact her if I had any questions.  We really connected and it was over the top coincidence that we met because she is in my genre and we have similar interests!  When she began to tell me the topics that she has written about, it was as though she was reading the list of topics that I write about!  Spirituality, self development, life, love.

Author, Elizabeth Skoglund with her grand daughter and namesake.

I used to be the person at a table of strangers who did not speak unless spoken to.  How many amazing people did I miss connecting with all those years that I was so self absorbed, so worried about making the right impression, concerned about exposing myself as imperfect, less than, not accomplished, under-educated, and so on?  What was my problem?  I was insecure.  Immature.  Inadequate.  No more.  No way!

I love to hear people’s stories and I love that I can Google most people and find out more about them!!  Every outing is an adventure when I know that if I open the door and ask to enter, people will invite me in.  I have learned so many wonderful things when given that opportunity.  I am so grateful for

that gift.  I am so amazed that the angels will talk to me!

Here is a challenge for you, next time you are at a party and sit next to someone you have never met – really talk to them.  They could be there to guide you!  They could be the sign you asked for.

Miz Meliz on the way to the ball
On the way to the ball, I should have known it would be an enchanted evening!
Everything Miz Meliz, The Happiness Project

Love & Marriage

My husband and I have been married for twenty years now.  We are totally in love and we are a “happily married couple” in every sense of the phrase.  When people ask me how we stay happily married I usually give them the spiel about communication and being friends first, it takes an equal partnership, yadda, yada, yada.  All of those things are true of any healthy relationship.  With close friends, family and even at work things run smoothly if you follow one rule – If you don’t understand something, ask.  I believe what makes a happily married couple is two people who are happy to begin with that are willing to stay together.

There have been plenty of times when either one have us have been unhappy for one reason or another.  So far, we have been lucky to never be unhappy at the same time.  Sad at the same time, yes. Distressed, worried, yes.  We have always been able to support each other through difficult times.  Generally, my husband is a pretty happy guy!  When he has been unhappy about our marriage or about me, he was willing to work through it and he has always been very devoted to me.  Even at the worst of times, I have supported him and been able to stick with it.

I am an optimistic person for the most part.  I have suffered through clinical depression.  When I feel like the world is closing in on me, I begin to count my blessings and being married to this man is always at the top of the list!  Gratitude goes a long way on the path to happiness.  When I am truly happy with myself and my situation, my love flows freely.  When I am able to truly love, and be loving, the feeling spreads to those around me.  My beloved responds and showers me with his love.  The root of my happiness starts with what is in my own heart.

Our Wedding Day, April 11, 1992

My husband is my “true love.”  But, I have been in love before.  I had a crush on an upper classmen in high school and after he graduated, he came back to volunteer!  I was determined to get a date with him.  We became friends and did start dating.  I was trying to play things cool and was open to dating other people.  I thought I was doing the mature thing and that would keep him interested.  I had already begun dating the person I eventually married.  My big crush took the “high road” and stepped back to let me decide what (or who) I really wanted and he joined the Air Force.  When he left he said, “You’ll always be my girl.”

We wrote to each other for awhile and as would be expected, my relationship with the boy who stayed around got stronger.  After awhile, I lost touch with my crush.  But, in my heart, I was waiting for him to come home to me and sweep me off my feet.  Instead, I got a call from him to tell me he was getting married.  I was heartbroken!!  I asked him, “If we had kept writing to each other would I be the one making the wedding plans?”  He said simply, “You will always be my girl!”  That didn’t help!

Every few years, he would come home to visit family and friends.  No matter where I was living or working, he would find me.  Many times I would get a call out of the blue and it would be his deep distinctive voice saying, “Hey girl.”  My heart would sink.  I would get that tingly nervous feeling.  We would get caught up on each other’s lives.  When I saw him, I always had a feeling that I lost him when I had the chance and that he came around to see me because he wanted me to make a move.  I never had the nerve.  Besides, I was married to a wonderful guy!  Then, as both of our families grew, we lost touch again.  I hadn’t heard from him for a very long time.  We were friends on Facebook, but I really didn’t even follow or keep up on him anymore.  He had stayed in the Air Force as a career and had travelled the world.  It had been about six years since I heard from him.  Then I got a call at work.

He had retired, was divorced, and was planning to move back to the area.  What was that middle part?  And he wanted to know if we could get together when he was in town.  Was he back to sweep me off my feet?  It’s been twenty-five years since we had a romance and I was still thinking he could be coming back for me.  Well, not really.  The teenage girl trapped inside me who was still pining for him heard that he was coming back.  The sensible me did the right things and asked questions.  But that sneaky little girl was still curious!

He came to my office and took me out to lunch.  He was still handsome and interesting and was everything I had remembered him to be.  He told me all about how he and his wife split up.  He told me he needed to take care of his ailing parents. He asked me about my life, family and work. We talked for hours.  I decided to ask him what made him think of me and if he still had any feelings for me after all this time.  To be honest, I have no idea what he said.  He spoke.  It sounded positive. He said the right things, tactfully, sweetly, honestly.  I am sure of it.  But all I could think about was, “What the heck do I think I am doing?”

The adult me answered, “You are flattering yourself.”  True that!  I needed it and deserved it, everyone does!  After all, it was flattering.  He was coming for a visit down memory lane and he thought of me. But it definitely wasn’t at all because he wanted to see if I was willing to take him back after all these years.  Don’t think it’s because he is that much of a stand up guy that he wouldn’t break up my marriage.  Of course he wouldn’t.  But I’ll never know for sure.  No, it is because he was already seeing someone!!  It turns out that he was networking for job connections so that he could move here to be closer to his girlfriend!

I just want you to know that all of this nonsense taught me some lessons.   First, love never dies.  First love, school girl crushes, puppy love, it lasts as long as you remember how it felt to love someone.  Like a flower, you can tend to it and it can take root and grow and grow and eventually branch into new directions and last forever.  Or, you can pluck it and put it in water.  It may last awhile that way and be beautiful.  You can preserve the memory of its beauty and press it in a book.  It will remind you of your youth and how you were once someone’s girl.  But if you take it out and touch it and try and make it grow after all that time, it will crumble and fall apart.  Some things are just not meant to be.

That doesn’t mean it was a waste of time!  The other thing I learned is that an idea trapped in one’s mind fades away quite easily.  All you have to do is let go.  It took seeing him again to make that happen.  It took thinking about it and planning and evaluating all the what if’s and could I evers.  Could I have seduced him and begged him to come back to me?  Would he have?  Could I have a chance to start over?  I guess not or I would be writing a heated love connection story right now rather than giving advice on what to do about unrequited love!  The point is, I let go of the pipe dream.  I was the stand up girl.  I was in love with my husband.  I did not go looking for this guy!  I helped him get an interview at my work and put in a good word.  I was relieved when he didn’t get the job.  I’ll bet my husband was relieved, too!

Our 20th Anniversary

Love & Marriage

The Happiness Project

Chronically Distracted

May 1, 2012

by Melissa Reyes

http://mizmeliz.com

A Year With Myself, Everything Miz Meliz

Truth is Essential

Ronna Detrick says, “Self-love is something we hear about all the time. And we feel pressure to do it—all the time, perfectly, proficiently. But pressure is not consistent with self-love, whether self- or other-imposed. Rather, it comes through grace—and permission, time and patience.”

“Love is patient, love is kind… It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (from 1 Corinthians 13).

As Ronna puts it, “These are the nourishment and sustenance of ever-growing self-acceptance and self-love; of telling and living your truth.”

These unedited, uncensored words and feelings are my truth:

I will take time to practice grace. I give myself the permission to live my truth. I give myself the time. I have all the time in the world. I will be patient with myself.

If I extended myself endless patience and kindness, I would feel calm and totally free.  I could do no wrong!  There would be no clock timing me. No deadlines. No worries or concerns.

I would never ask myself, “Am I doing the right thing?”  or “Do I even know what I am talking about?”  I would never be hard on myself or feel badly about what I am doing or not doing.

It wouldn’t bother me that the dishes and laundry pile up.  I wouldn’t stress about how the bills are going to get paid.  Or, if I need to exercise more or watch my diet.

I don’t know if I could handle just gliding through life that way!  Would it seem like I had no cares at all? No, because I do care.  Caring about these things makes me me!

Endless patience.  That means no limits and no constraints.  Just time.  All the time in the world.  All the “eventuallys” would slip away and become “whens” rather than “if I evers”.

Endless patience.  That means having faith that it will be.  Just knowing it will be.  Trusting myself that it will be.

And Kindness.  Instead of putting restrictions on myself and feeling bad and guilty, I would just be kind, understanding and loving to myself.

It really boils down having faith in myself and trusting that I am responsible and I will be what I need to be and do what I need to do when it counts.

If I were to let go of my internal record-keeping, the laundry list of all that I’ve done wrong, and all the places in which I feel inferior, sub-par, or less-than, I would feel happy with the way I am.

I like myself.  I honestly do like myself and I think I am great!  I am great!

If I could let go of the feeling that I need everyone to agree with me, I would breathe easier and be happy.  If I could stop harping on past mistakes and just keep on keeping on, rise above the misperceptions and not take things personally, learn from the errors and make adjustments and absorb the rest, I could breathe freely and rest peacefully.

If I were to be ever-so still and listen for my own internal voice, the one that existed before the irritating ones took over, I would hear these words:

You are who you are Melissa.  You are beautiful and kind.  You care about others.  You love your family.  You are smart and talented.  You make things happen.  You are special and sweet.  All that matters is that you remain true to yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Enrich your spirit and feed your soul.  Live all the moments of your life.  Be.  Do.  Love.  Lift yourself up.  Stay strong in the knowing.

If I were to do whatever I wanted, whatever I felt—no ramifications or risks —I would stop working.  I would make my home beautiful.  I would walk.  I would write.  I would travel.  I would be with my loved ones.  I would have parties.  I would shop.  I would have fun.  I would laugh more.  I would drive.  I would eat out.  I would wear comfortable clothes.  I would sleep in.  I would stay up late.  I would drink and smoke.  I would get better at Scrabble.  I would go to the beach.

If I could say anything I wanted, whatever I felt – no ramifications or risks – I do not know if I would say anything.  I don’t feel the need to explain or justify.  I just want to be free to express myself and hope that I am understood.  I want the world to know that I have good intentions.  I want to be happy.  I want others to be happy.  I want to help them.  I love the people around me.

I would say . . .I accept you.  Please accept me the way I am.  Please just ask me if you don’t understand me.  Am I really that hard to understand?  Am I hard to like?

If I could say anything, I would ask these questions.  I would say, “Excuse me – but what is it about me that you don’t like?”  “What don’t you get?”

“Because, I am just doing my thing here.  I am just happy to be alive and I want to be a good person and survive another day.  Is that okay with you?”

I would tell my boss and co-workers, “Put me to work.  Use my talents.  If I don’t do things right, tell me.  If I need to get better, give me a chance.”

I would tell my friends,  “If I hurt you in some way, please know it was unintentional and I honestly do not want to hurt you.  I want to make you happy.  I want to make you feel secure.  You can trust me.  You should know that I love you.  I have nothing against you.  I think you are amazing!  I appreciate you and your talents and abilities.  I wish I could know you better.  I wish you would take time to get to know me. I wish you wanted to know me better.  Because, I am great!

If you want to read more about Investing My Faith in Myself, Click Here:

https://mizmeliz.com/2012/09/16/investing-my-faith-in-myself/

To see the poem, “I am Great” Click Here: https://mizmeliz.com/2012/02/16/i-am-great/

This is my truth.  Considering my truth, I was reminded of a poem given to me by a friend years ago.  He told me his mother gave it to him when he came out. 
 
In Latin, Desiderata means, “Things desired that are essential”. . .
 
Desiderata— written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s —
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all it’s sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

“Keep Peace in Your Soul”

There is more to me than meets the eye.
 
 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/
http://ayearwithmyself.com/about-the-program/
http://mibizevents.com
 
 
A Year With Myself, Everything Miz Meliz

Transformation

I was looking through my journals because I am so excited that I have started writing again, that I wanted to take pen to paper.  (Remember paper?)  I flipped through some of the poetry that I wrote and I can’t believe it’s been ten years since I wrote regularly.  Ten years! So much has happened since then.  I have been inspired lately by some of my friends who blog, and the challenges and prompts are all about finding oneself and improving.  I am more about embracing, exploring and experiencing right now.  I realize that I have been through quite a transformation in my life in the past decade.  In 2002 I was struggling.  Writing helped.  Reading over what I wrote helps a lot.  One of the journals that I wrote back then I called “I Love My Life.”  I was just learning about acceptance and loving the moment.

If I imagine myself on a threshold of new possibilities, I consider that there is much more to learn and so much more to experience. I read Patti Digh’s article on Liminal Spaces and began to think of how I really enjoy the space that I am in at the moment.  A liminial space is that space in-between, “not the here or the there, but the not here and not there.” Digh calls this the transition zone.  It’s the moment of release before a trapeze artist would catch the new bar.  Like swinging on monkey bars, you must let go and swing to the next one.  It is the exhilarating moment that you are in the air.  And I feel as though I am weightless, flying through life right now.

Digh describes this space as the moment that there is nothing to hold on to.  It is the moment when we are flying that the real changes occur.  It is when we are “the most present, most alive, most vulnerable, most human.”  She suggests that we “cross the threshold, enjoy the space between and fly.”

I am ready for this!  After I turned forty and both my parents and, more recently, my sister passed away, I felt like I was at a point that I could express my thoughts and feelings openly.  I was not as concerned with what others thought of me anymore.  I was less likely to seek approval.  I am the mom now.  I developed into a person that I liked.  When some of my friends were going through divorce or major career and life changes, I was at a strong point in my marriage and in my life.  Healthy and active, financially stable (for the most part) and generally happy and satisfied.  I am grateful for this.  I am especially grateful after reading through my journals because it reminded me that it did not come easily.

The monkey bar that was so difficult to let go of was the feeling that I needed to make something of myself.  I wanted so desperately to be something. I felt as though I should have a degree, or advance in my career, or make a difference in some way.  I thought that I needed to honor my parents’ hopes and dreams for me and please them by becoming a successful professional of some type.  My family situation was somewhat unique in that my siblings were teenagers when I was born, so pleasing my brother and sister was also a goal I had.  My sister was (I can admit this now) like a mother to me.  She and my brother led the way for me, inspired me and watched over me like parents.  I only realized how much my parents loved me unconditionally when I had my own children.  I know the love that my brother and sister felt for me because I feel it towards my nieces and nephews. Once they started to grow up I began to exert expectations on them – out of love.  Putting expectations on myself was, as Digh puts it, “the illusion we put up to avoid where the real change occurs.”

This explains why I am so much happier now.  I am free.  I am flying!  I have released that bar and I am stretching forward to the next one.  I know in my heart that my parents are proud of me for the person I have become.  More importantly, I am proud of myself!

http://www.pattidigh.com/

To laugh often and love much;

to win respect of intelligent persons

and the affection of children,

to learn the appreciation of honest critics;

To appreciate beauty;

to give of oneself,

to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch

or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed

with enthusiasm

and sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived –

That is to have succeeded.

 

— Ralph Waldo Emerson