Everything Miz Meliz, Fazel Huts

A Battle of Wits Between Husband and Wife #fazelhut

I needed caffeine.  I woke up with a headache.  I was irritable.  My husband was going to the store to get some groceries, I asked him to bring me some Diet Coke.  When he got back from the store, he came in our room with a cup.

“Here is your Diet Coke.” He said handing me a plastic cup with soda, ice and a straw.

“That’s nice of you to bring it to me honey, thanks.” I said taking the cup from him.  Just as I was about to take a sip I looked in the cup.  “This looks funny, what is in it?” I asked.

He was already out of earshot.  I took a sip and it tasted fine.  I thought maybe it was a dirty cup.  That sounds gross and I was thinking it seemed like their was milk in the cup which would make it impossible to see when he poured it since the inside of the cup was white and since Diet Coke is foamy, he never would have noticed.  The drink looked a little murky to me.  I know he would never give me a dirty cup and I was already feeling badly that I even thought such a thing.  I was feeling ill and irritable anyway and I heard myself complaining . . .

“Honey, there is something wrong with this drink.”  He came back into the room.  I realized at that point what I must sound like to him.  I had been complaining all morning.  I decided to change my tune.

“Honey, did you put something in my drink?” I asked him coyly.

He said, “Nooo, why?”

“Look at this. . . it’s murky.”  Smiling, I asked him,  “Is this a clean cup?”

“Of course it is,” He answered.

“Is this how you are going to get rid of me?  Did you poison my drink?” I pushed.

He laughed.  “Of course not!”

I started giggling.

He sat down next to me to look at the drink.  “It’s fine” he said, “it’s just Diet Coke.”

He flashed me a smile.  He knew at this point I was teasing.  Surely he was relieved that the bitching had subsided.

“You drink it.” I told him, handing him the cup.

He said, “Sure, I will drink some.” He held the cup up to his mouth, holding the straw as if he was going to take a sip and he moved the straw to the side of his face and turned his head a bit so it looked like he was drinking it.  He started laughing hysterically.  I knew exactly what he was doing.  “Its’ fine, see.  Now you drink it.” He handed the cup back to me.

I took the cup.  I looked in it.  I knew it was fine and I had already drank some before he came back into the room, but it was fun to play this little game.  We have a long history of joking around about our ultimate demise.

I looked in the cup.  By this time all the foam had dissipated and it was clearly just Diet Coke.  I said, “No way! You didn’t drink it, I saw you move the straw. Take a sip so I can see you.” Giving the cup back to him once again laughing as I handed it back. I was thinking of the scene in The Princess Bride where The Man in Black (Westley) puts the Iocane powder into the wine and a battle of wits ensues between him and Vizzini.

He said, “Okay, okay,” and took two or three obvious gulps as I said, “From the cup this time, not the straw!”

“Hmmm . . . I guess it is okay then.  But, I am on to you!” I said when he gave the cup back to me. I was going to bring up the fact that I am aware that he might have built up a resistance to Iocane, but I was laughing too hard and my head hurt too much to get the words out.

“I am not trying to kill you.” He said as he left the room, still laughing.

I realize that we watch a lot of crime drama television.  Maybe too much!

Now that I think of it, he did sound maniacal as he was laughing.  I may have to be more careful for now on!

One of the best things about our marriage is our sense of humor.  The only reason I would ever accuse him of trying to “get rid of me” is because I fear that he will tire of me.  It stems from my insecurity. He is aware of this and feeds my need for reassurance.  We depend on each other for this give and take now and then.  We have always been able to laugh at ourselves as soon as we realize what is happening.  I am grateful for this part of our relationship and I try not to ever take it for granted.  It is a blessing.

photo credit Melissa Reyes copyright 2013 http://mizmeliz.com
He wouldn’t poison me! At least, I don’t think he would! #fazelhut
Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

Change: It’s in the Air

"Onward and Upward" photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2012 http://mizmeliz.com

Change

Change is in the air that I breathe.
It is in every single breath I take.
It is just like the scent of orange blossoms
 and night-blooming jasmine.
Change engulfs me as I breathe it in.
There is no escaping it.
It is in the air I breathe.
Change is now within.
~Melissa Reyes 3-14-13

This is about healing.

This is about healing and moving on after experiencing the loss of a loved one.  It is about love and joy and forgiveness.  It is about letting go and moving forward. This is about taking care of myself.  Healing myself. Forgiving myself for the sadness I feel.

 “As far as taking care of myself, I try to do it through love and kindness. I now take time to forgive myself for mistakes, for not getting everything done, for taking a walk instead of finishing up client work if I need to and all the other little things I used to feel guilty for on a daily basis. I remind myself that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone or myself. But, I can still promise to do my best and that’s enough.” ~Naomi Niles

A shift in the balance of my world is happening. 

My sister (who passed away in July 2011, 18 months ago) was married to a great man for 25 years. In fact she died on their anniversary. They were a very romantic couple and they have an amazing story. I am still very close to my brother-in-law. He is a dear friend, confidant, and brother in every sense. I trust him and care deeply for him. That is why I was happy when he told me he is getting remarried. Deep inside I am sad because I am still grieving the untimely death of my sister and sad over how things turned out and what could have been. That is the first shift that my heart bleeds over.

They call it a major life change.

Another bitter-sweet thing happening in my life is that my oldest son is graduating from high school and will be going away to college. Our home and family dynamics will be changing. One of my babies is about to fly off on his own and leave the nest. He is my most independent child. He has always been my little helper. I have every confidence that he will be fine on his own. He has become a fine young man and I am quite proud of him. But what will become of us? How will the two younger brothers get along? What will it be like with just the four of us. And in a few years, three? And then one day, just the two of us?  Empty Nest Syndrome is hitting me hard. My heart is shaken. My mind is mush. My emotions are running high.

I am experiencing a new set of feelings. It’s not like anything I have been through before. It is excitement and joy mixed with equal parts sorrow and fear. All of the emotions are wrestling together and it is impossible to see who is winning. Which emotion is getting pinned, which one will come out on top. Should I cry? If I do cry will it be tears of happiness or sorrow? Or, both?

I am coping with the loss I feel. I miss my sister, my parents, the way things used to be when the kids were small. My biggest worries then were if I was spoiling my kids and if I was spending enough time with my family. No, it’s not possible to spoil a child. And no, I could never have spent enough time with my family. I wish I had some of those days back. Just one more Christmas or Easter. One more birthday. It’s so hard to move on and be happy. It is necessary. I know it is. I need to keep moving forward. I need to be happy about these changes. Because the people who are experiencing the change are doing the right things and they are moving on and they deserve to be happy.

“Challenges will continue to come. It is my choice to look for the joy or to let my spirit sink back into grief.  I choose joy.” ~Donna Thomas, Author

I choose to be happy, too!  I know it is a choice. I can get through it holding on to the past, gripping on tightly to the memories, dragging my feet trying desperately to not let go of the past because it was good and I loved it so much. Or, I can keep those memories safely in my heart where they can thrive inside of me, where I can embrace them joyfully as needed, and share the stories with my children and theirs someday of the remarkable and lovable family I have. I can skip happily forward, onward, and upward to better and more triumphant times.

"Onward and Upward" photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2012 http://mizmeliz.com

“For everything there is a season. . . a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep; and a time to laugh; a time to mourn; and a time to dance. . . ” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

I want my family to look at me and see a gracious, graceful, peaceful woman who has been touched by love and who shines joyfully. I do not want pity nor do I want a cloud of sorrow over me because I have lost my loved ones.  I live a blessed life. I was blessed to have amazing parents who loved me and a sister who inspired me. I am blessed to have a wonderful marriage and that my husband is my best friend. I am blessed to have great kids who make me proud.

These things will never ever change.

Love never dies.
People live forever in our heart.
Change is inevitable.
Nothing is insurmountable.
I can do this!

It’s time to shine!

If you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, a major break up, or you live with someone whose parent or sibling has passed away, you might benefit from reading more about the Stages of Grief.  See my post: When Grief Revisits Me and Good Grief: 8 Stages of Grief.

Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

Sparking my Awesome in 2013 #ReReRe

Before I can really get going in planning for 2013, I want to take a look back at 2012.  Here is a review of my greatest successes in 2012 in five key areas:

Finances

Financially speaking, it was a solid year.  I managed to do some fun things with my cash flow.  I am still living paycheck to paycheck, but I am not in any more debt than I was at this time last year.  Based on everything that I have happening in my family dynamic right now, in this economy, staying afloat is a good place to be.

I made a few “investments” this year.  I was able to pay for and complete a course on Life Coaching which will enable me to help others and help me increase my income in the future.  My hubby bought a mountain bike and if he rides it, it will pay for itself in place of a gym membership, that is an investment – especially for his health!  I leased a new car for my son, this was an important financial decision based on safety and peace of mind and replaced the old car that couldn’t pass the smog test.  My hubby and I managed to go away for a weekend here and there.  I believe that having a respite is a great investment for our relationship!  We joined a bowling league with two of our sons.  With having to pay fees for four people every week, it gets costly.  I look at it as another great investment because it was a nice way to spend quality family time and get out for some physical activity.  We indulged a bit here and there, but I consider that as investing in our quality of life.

Perhaps my priorities are a bit skewed since I really should have used the money that I spent on a new flat screen TV for the bedroom to pay down debt, but heck I am an American living the dream, so I am glad I did it.

As I am working on this, I feel like such a financial failure! Since I practice positivity, I am trying to glean some upbeat financial successes, but they will not compare at all to a anyone who actually had a financial gain. But in looking back at this key area of my life I have made a discovery. I recognize a pattern.  I do the same things each and every year.  It is not a surprise that my financial situation never improves. I am not doing a thing to improve it.  I need to consider this strongly in making my goals for 2013.

Relationships

In reflecting on my relationships this past year, I feel good about them.  My marriage is in it’s happy place.  We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this April.  I have everything right now that I hoped for when I got married.  My husband has given me a family, a home, and a bright future to look forward to.  What more could a girl want?  That is what I wanted when I was a girl.  Now, as I emerge as a woman and my children are growing and my home needs a lot of work I wonder what will happen in the next twenty years.  I have some ideas!  Luckily, he is game!  The number one success in my relationship has always been great communication.  We talk things through and when we don’t agree with each other, we accept and move forward.  My relationship with my hubby is my number one priority.

I have made a lot of new friends this year.  I have also reignited and strengthened relationships with old friends and family.  I have let a few relationships fall to the back burner.  I may let it stew a bit longer before I open up that pot!  But I won’t ever let the relationship boil away or burn what is left.  I can always spice it up and give it some attention and put some life back into it, right?  Relationships worth having can always be mended.

Health

Physically speaking, suffice it to say that I am still alive.  I am not better or worse off than last year.  I have written a lot about my health and my ailments lately.  I am working on it. I did next to nothing to improve my fitness level this year.  I started a few things.  I failed miserably at this.

I don’t feel healthy and I have very low energy.  I hope to get that back in 2013.  My son asked me recently if I ever wanted to go skiing again.  I told him I would love to, but my back starts hurting after an hour of shopping at the mall!  How would I be able to ski for a day without feeling miserable?  I can start “training” now to get in shape and be able to ski with my kids next year.  That goal restores the motivation I need to get moving and make healthy choices.

Intellect

Intellectually speaking, I am on top of my game!  This year, I completed a course online for life coaching, attended a conference for blogging, wrote on the blog an average of three times a week, and participated in daily discussions on topics ranging from birth experiences to the afterlife!

One test that I give myself from time to time is checking the dictionary for definitions of words that I use in my writing.  I score myself an A+ every time I use an uncommon word and apply it correctly.  I have never missed a meaning completely.  Once this year, I was glad I checked because I was using the wrong spelling of a word which would not have made sense in that context.  As a writer, to be understood is valued highly.  I have been doing what I can to make sure that I convey what I am thinking clearly.  That is the ultimate success for me.

Spirituality

Spiritually, I have looked deep into my heart and and I realize that I am whole and centered in my beliefs.  I have faith in God and I love praying to the Virgin Mary to intercede for me.  I appreciate my Catholic upbringing and I am proud to share that with my husband and glad that we are passing it on to our kids.  I did not attend Mass regularly in 2012.  There are many reasons for that and I am not ready to share them yet.  I will look at that more closely in 2013.

I plan to attend Mass more often especially because one of my sons will be making his Confirmation this year.  I love going to Mass, singing, praying, receiving communion and spending time with my community.  What I love most about belonging to a loving community is the care that I can give and receive from other people who share my beliefs.  I have learned that I have a similar experience with people of all faiths on Facebook and through my blog.

All people can feel that sense of belonging, love, and care.    I thoroughly enjoy that and it brings me peace.  However, physically being in the arms of my loved ones is something that I miss and hope to participate in regularly going forward.

a borrowed picture, source unknown at this time
a borrowed picture, source unknown at this time

In the spirit of “Sparking My Awesome in 2013” I plan to write more posts on my blog that are from my heart.  I created a new category, “Tell Me Something Good.”  This is where I will post my thoughts on the subjects that I have been contemplating during the month of December.  Here are some of them:

Peace
Creativity
Relationships
Growth
Healing
Forgiveness
Confidence
Love
Acceptance
Empowerment
Happiness
Excellence
Challenges
Life
Honor
Kindness
Compassion
Optimism
Gratitude
Simplicity
Perspective
Grace
Insight
Trust
Awareness

These are the topics I hope to explore and share with you.  With every post, I plan to ask you to reflect on the subject and give me your insights in a positive way.  I will ask you to please,

Tell Me Something Good. . .

I look forward to sharing my positivity this year with everyone that I encounter!

Everything Miz Meliz

Celebrating Love and Lasting Relationships

I am blessed to be in a lasting relationship with my best friend of 28 years (I have been married to him for 20 years!)  I know what it takes to be in a devoted relationship that withstands the tests of time while traversing the hills and valleys of life’s journey.  I was recently asked to write a featurette on such a couple.  I am feeling both proud and lucky to have been given this opportunity!

Married for 37 years, living in the public eye in the entertainment business and having faced numerous hardships throughout their lives, I found the story of Gloria and Emilio Estefan, Jr. to be both fascinating and quite inspiring.  Having loved their music for decades, I never really considered myself a big fan. Thankfully, I had the opportunity to learn about their many accomplishments and the gifts that this wonderful pair are sharing with the world through their love, their music, and their philanthropy. . .

The Queen of Latin Pop and Latin King Midas

An inspiring story of Miami’s ‘Royal Couple,’ Gloria and Emilio Estefan, Jr.
By Melissa Reyes

Read the featurette:  http://salseek.com/news/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=51&Itemid=199

Photo by Richard Sandoval of http://www.hispaniclifestyle.com/ used with permission.

Disclaimer:  I received no compensation for this article or the featurette, photo credit or links.  I am not a paid contributor or sub contractor and my opinions are my own.  Information regarding the subject of the article was obtained through my own research findings, are not based on first-hand knowledge and sources have been listed accordingly.

Everything Miz Meliz, The Happiness Project

Love & Marriage

My husband and I have been married for twenty years now.  We are totally in love and we are a “happily married couple” in every sense of the phrase.  When people ask me how we stay happily married I usually give them the spiel about communication and being friends first, it takes an equal partnership, yadda, yada, yada.  All of those things are true of any healthy relationship.  With close friends, family and even at work things run smoothly if you follow one rule – If you don’t understand something, ask.  I believe what makes a happily married couple is two people who are happy to begin with that are willing to stay together.

There have been plenty of times when either one have us have been unhappy for one reason or another.  So far, we have been lucky to never be unhappy at the same time.  Sad at the same time, yes. Distressed, worried, yes.  We have always been able to support each other through difficult times.  Generally, my husband is a pretty happy guy!  When he has been unhappy about our marriage or about me, he was willing to work through it and he has always been very devoted to me.  Even at the worst of times, I have supported him and been able to stick with it.

I am an optimistic person for the most part.  I have suffered through clinical depression.  When I feel like the world is closing in on me, I begin to count my blessings and being married to this man is always at the top of the list!  Gratitude goes a long way on the path to happiness.  When I am truly happy with myself and my situation, my love flows freely.  When I am able to truly love, and be loving, the feeling spreads to those around me.  My beloved responds and showers me with his love.  The root of my happiness starts with what is in my own heart.

Our Wedding Day, April 11, 1992

My husband is my “true love.”  But, I have been in love before.  I had a crush on an upper classmen in high school and after he graduated, he came back to volunteer!  I was determined to get a date with him.  We became friends and did start dating.  I was trying to play things cool and was open to dating other people.  I thought I was doing the mature thing and that would keep him interested.  I had already begun dating the person I eventually married.  My big crush took the “high road” and stepped back to let me decide what (or who) I really wanted and he joined the Air Force.  When he left he said, “You’ll always be my girl.”

We wrote to each other for awhile and as would be expected, my relationship with the boy who stayed around got stronger.  After awhile, I lost touch with my crush.  But, in my heart, I was waiting for him to come home to me and sweep me off my feet.  Instead, I got a call from him to tell me he was getting married.  I was heartbroken!!  I asked him, “If we had kept writing to each other would I be the one making the wedding plans?”  He said simply, “You will always be my girl!”  That didn’t help!

Every few years, he would come home to visit family and friends.  No matter where I was living or working, he would find me.  Many times I would get a call out of the blue and it would be his deep distinctive voice saying, “Hey girl.”  My heart would sink.  I would get that tingly nervous feeling.  We would get caught up on each other’s lives.  When I saw him, I always had a feeling that I lost him when I had the chance and that he came around to see me because he wanted me to make a move.  I never had the nerve.  Besides, I was married to a wonderful guy!  Then, as both of our families grew, we lost touch again.  I hadn’t heard from him for a very long time.  We were friends on Facebook, but I really didn’t even follow or keep up on him anymore.  He had stayed in the Air Force as a career and had travelled the world.  It had been about six years since I heard from him.  Then I got a call at work.

He had retired, was divorced, and was planning to move back to the area.  What was that middle part?  And he wanted to know if we could get together when he was in town.  Was he back to sweep me off my feet?  It’s been twenty-five years since we had a romance and I was still thinking he could be coming back for me.  Well, not really.  The teenage girl trapped inside me who was still pining for him heard that he was coming back.  The sensible me did the right things and asked questions.  But that sneaky little girl was still curious!

He came to my office and took me out to lunch.  He was still handsome and interesting and was everything I had remembered him to be.  He told me all about how he and his wife split up.  He told me he needed to take care of his ailing parents. He asked me about my life, family and work. We talked for hours.  I decided to ask him what made him think of me and if he still had any feelings for me after all this time.  To be honest, I have no idea what he said.  He spoke.  It sounded positive. He said the right things, tactfully, sweetly, honestly.  I am sure of it.  But all I could think about was, “What the heck do I think I am doing?”

The adult me answered, “You are flattering yourself.”  True that!  I needed it and deserved it, everyone does!  After all, it was flattering.  He was coming for a visit down memory lane and he thought of me. But it definitely wasn’t at all because he wanted to see if I was willing to take him back after all these years.  Don’t think it’s because he is that much of a stand up guy that he wouldn’t break up my marriage.  Of course he wouldn’t.  But I’ll never know for sure.  No, it is because he was already seeing someone!!  It turns out that he was networking for job connections so that he could move here to be closer to his girlfriend!

I just want you to know that all of this nonsense taught me some lessons.   First, love never dies.  First love, school girl crushes, puppy love, it lasts as long as you remember how it felt to love someone.  Like a flower, you can tend to it and it can take root and grow and grow and eventually branch into new directions and last forever.  Or, you can pluck it and put it in water.  It may last awhile that way and be beautiful.  You can preserve the memory of its beauty and press it in a book.  It will remind you of your youth and how you were once someone’s girl.  But if you take it out and touch it and try and make it grow after all that time, it will crumble and fall apart.  Some things are just not meant to be.

That doesn’t mean it was a waste of time!  The other thing I learned is that an idea trapped in one’s mind fades away quite easily.  All you have to do is let go.  It took seeing him again to make that happen.  It took thinking about it and planning and evaluating all the what if’s and could I evers.  Could I have seduced him and begged him to come back to me?  Would he have?  Could I have a chance to start over?  I guess not or I would be writing a heated love connection story right now rather than giving advice on what to do about unrequited love!  The point is, I let go of the pipe dream.  I was the stand up girl.  I was in love with my husband.  I did not go looking for this guy!  I helped him get an interview at my work and put in a good word.  I was relieved when he didn’t get the job.  I’ll bet my husband was relieved, too!

Our 20th Anniversary

Love & Marriage

The Happiness Project

Chronically Distracted

May 1, 2012

by Melissa Reyes

http://mizmeliz.com