The truth is I haven’t had a conversation with my doctor lately because I have been afraid to go and get negative results. Although I feel good, the same that I have felt for the past year, I don’t feel better. I feel guilty about that. I wanted to get better. I wanted to make positive changes and be better, healthier, and thinner by now. I hoped to be off the Metformin that I take for Diabetes. I had hoped to beat this. I am disappointed in myself. I feel like I am making myself this way by not taking the actions that I should be, could be taking. Every time I eat something that I know I shouldn’t be eating, it is like taking small amounts of poison. I feel like eventually, it will kill me, yet I keep consuming it. The imagery helps for a moment and then I think, but it’s not poison. It is food. Everyone else can eat it. It won’t kill me today. My inner conversation is a constant battle.
I need to have a conversation with my doctor. I need to take that step to get better. I need to get over the guilt and take action. Just taking my meds is not enough and I know it. It is time to get the blood tests, get the A1C results, face the music, and take charge. I am still afraid. But not knowing where I stand right now is worse.