Everything Miz Meliz

What Happens When a Determined Mom is in a Road Trip State of Mind

What happens when a determined mom, like me, gets in a “Road Trip State of Mind?”

photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2013
Let’s go on a road trip!

First, don’t mess with me! I am determined to make sure everyone has a good time and is comfortable. And I mean it! Hopefully, everyone ends up having a reasonably good time and no one gets hurt. Second, like most things in life, going on a vacation is a journey. Obviously! But it is a process. There is a beginning, middle and end. I have some experience at this, so I planned it all out and it went pretty well. Lastly, even though our lives were never truly at risk, any trip is about survival. Especially when a perfectly normal family unit is going to be cooped up for hours on end in close quarters. Here is how we all survived. . .

THREE TIPS that helped me to enjoy a road trip through SIX STATES in SEVEN DAYS with FOUR BOYS:

#1 Do everything you can to drive a big, comfortable, and reliable vehicle.

#2 Pack lots of water bottles, snacks, medicine and chocolate.

#3 Have a plan to make it fun, for yourself.

“Our life is composed of events and states of mind. How we appraise our life from our deathbed will be predicated not only on what came to us in life but how we lived with it. It will not be simply illness or health, riches or poverty, good luck or bad, which ultimately define whether we believe we have had a good life or not, but the quality of our relationship to these situations: the attitudes of our states of mind.”
― Stephen Levine, A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last

Yeah, we drove over 2500 miles in seven days. It was pretty hard at times and we had a blast at times. It was worth it, but it took a lot of planning and forethought to survive it. I would like to share with you why we actually needed to do it, how we actually ended up doing it, and why it was so worthwhile that I would highly recommend that you do it – at least once in your life! I believe in living life fully and making each moment count. I like to celebrate the milestones and create memorable events for my family. I became determined to take the task of visiting colleges and turn it into a vacation.

In the Beginning, I Found Myself in a State of Dilemma

We live in California and we wanted to take our oldest son to see three universities that he has been accepted to for the Fall. Two of the Universities are in Colorado and one is in New Mexico. We had a week off for Spring Break and a little savings to use for a trip. The money we had saved was not enough for all of us to travel by air and stay in hotels at all three locations, so we had to make some choices. I looked at it from many angles. I could afford to send my son to visit the schools if either my husband or I went with him, flew to Colorado and then drove to New Mexico and flew back from there. That was not only a hassle, but how would we decide who would go with him? Our first dilemma.

I soon realized that all five of us could go on the trip if we drove and stayed with relatives for most of the time. Since we have four drivers and lots of relatives in these areas, I thought – “Great, problem solved!” The best part being that we would get to see some of our beloved relatives and we were overdue for a trip to one of our favorite places to visit! I thought it would be a good experience for the younger boys to visit these colleges and see what they have in store for them down the road. Then I realized we don’t have a reliable vehicle that all of us would be comfortable in for many hours at a time. That’s the second dilemma.

I did a web search of hotels, rental cars, and driving distances and figured out a way we could manage this trip. I reached out to my relatives and confirmed that all five of us could stay with my cousin in New Mexico for three nights, the longest part of the vacation. My son and I coordinated the visits with the three schools and I worked out a schedule from there. I priced out the rental cars online and found a pretty good deal with one and my husband chose the type of vehicle he wanted to drive for the trip. I found some amazing hotels with great reviews in the vicinity of the two schools we were visiting in Colorado, and got awesome deals since I was booking far in advance and online.

I put together an itinerary, got someone to feed the cats and watch the house, and I set to work on creating a memorable experience for our family. It wasn’t until the day we left on the trip that I realized this wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.

Photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2013
This says it all!

On the First Day, I was in a State of Despair

I know that sounds dramatic, but it certainly was an urgent and desperate situation! The whole trip I planned depended on the perfect vehicle. It had to be spacious and it had to be reliable. I have three teen-aged boys and my husband and I aren’t exactly “compact” so it needed to be comfortable. Since we are on a tight budget it needed to be affordable. We were going to be driving over the Rocky Mountains and snow was predicted on the days we were going to be there, so it needed to be an all wheel drive vehicle. Mostly, I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted my family to be comfortable. I wanted to make my husband and kids happy. They weren’t as excited as I was about taking this road trip!

I thought I found the solution when I went through Hertz. I did, but it was a very difficult and disappointing ordeal. The main reason it became so harrowing is the poor customer service we received when we went to pick up the vehicle. The car I reserved was not available and the substitute was not at all acceptable. I called twice in advance to see if the vehicle I reserved would be there and both times was told that it or a comparable vehicle would be there when I arrived at my appointed time. It turned out that the staff did nothing to honor that commitment. They accepted what they believed to be the closest thing and never bothered to notify me. When we arrived, my husband and I waited forty-five minutes before anyone could even help us and then we found out about the mini-van. My stress is beginning to elevate now just thinking about it. If it had not been that important to my husband, we would have driven that mini-van through the blizzard we hit in Vail, Colorado. But instead, I stuck my heels in the ground, we made some calls, we delayed our departure and we exchanged it at a different Hertz location within the vicinity. It took some work, actual work, on the part of the employees at Hertz, but they were in fact able to provide the vehicle that I reserved. I think it was a surprise even to them! We ended up in a brand new, just off the lot, the window sticker still attached, Chevy Traverse LT AWD. Exactly what I had reserved.

Photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2013
Crazy Car Rental Experience

I won’t go into details about the employees at Hertz and I would never name names, but they could stand to learn a lot about customer service, respect, common sense, courtesy and compassion, none of which was observed at either of the locations I had to interact with.

I must say that it all turned out okay in the end. The District Manager at Hertz did a lot to make it work out for us, but it is important to note that I had to really work hard to get what I wanted and I was not satisfied with my overall customer experience. Since Hertz claims their goal is “to provide the best customer experience possible”, they seriously failed to meet it. Eventually they discounted the rental, but I had to go through the corporate office by getting their attention on Twitter ( https://twitter.com/Hertz) and publicly proclaiming my dissatisfaction. If you know me, you know how extremely difficult it was for me to do that. I am probably the most positive person you will ever meet and it saddened me to complain. I was of course happy to get a discount, but what I am still waiting for is an apology and I would like to see the management take responsibility and show me how they plan to improve the service at my local office before I will ever consider returning to or recommending Hertz again. Service and reliability are extremely important to me. It was particularly challenging to remain calm and upbeat during this experience and it was vital that I didn’t get upset at the beginning of the trip. I had to use restraint to show my kids how I could take care of things without totally freaking out! I put myself under a lot of pressure to make this trip great and this was the very first step.

When we finally drove away and I was on the road for the first leg of the trip, I saw a black crow perched on a post at the freeway on ramp. I wondered if that was an omen. At that moment, all I could do was pray. I prayed that it would only get better from there. Thank God that was the worst of it!

If you like to read about travel disasters and conquests, visit this blog: http://elliott.org/ I will keep you posted on what I now call the “Hertz State of Despair.” I will recommend them if I ever get a note of apology and some clear perspective on how they plan to meet their goal of providing a positive experience for their customers.

That First Night, I Slept Soundly in a State of Relief

It was late. We were about four hours behind schedule. I had originally hoped to have time to have dinner with my mother-in-law in Henderson, Nevada on our first night. The boys were looking forward to hanging out with their cousin. My husband planned to meet up with his brother. None of that happened, but we were welcomed by my husband’s mother close to midnight when we finally arrived on her doorstep. Even though we said not to go to any trouble, she had of course cooked for us! She warmed up the food and laid it out on the table and we sat down to eat as if it were the normal dinner time. I knew if we weren’t there, she would be sound asleep! We felt at home and I relaxed for the first time in over 24 hours! We were safe and warm and comfortable.

The boys were aggravated when I told them that I wanted to leave at 5 AM. My husband was annoyed when he realized that we still had a 14-16 hour drive ahead of us the next day. No one understood that the first night was a mere “lay-over” and “rest stop” for what was to be the longest and most difficult, yet most beautiful and exciting part of our drive.

I planned that first night to be easy and carefree. I could depend on my mother-in-law and she came through with flying colors! This is a beautiful person who knows how to make the people she cares about feel special. If we needed it, wanted it, dreamed of it, she had it for us. I am not kidding! Sneezing? Is it allergies? She had a package of medicine for us to take. Forgot your tooth-brush? Here is a brand new one. Need snacks and drinks for the road? I bought extra. I made cookies. Take them. We hardly had room, but she filled the rental car with the essentials (most things I had thought of and packed already, but we graciously accepted anyway.) A roll of paper towels, a box of Kleenex. Even a pretty outfit for me to wear on Easter! She loves to give me clothes! I will probably be like that someday with my daughters-in-law! She got up early and made breakfast for us. She was at the door to see us off and wish us well.

At the moment we were about to take off, I really wanted to bring her with me! I needed another woman to balance out the hormones in the car. I could feel it already. It was going to be a bumpy ride! Me against the boys. They are easy going and good kids, but I am sensitive to their little remarks. I am a people pleaser and they never seem satisfied. If I plan ham, they want turkey. If I plan turkey, they want ham. You get it. They are gracious and sweet, but given a 50/50 chance to get things right, I always make the wrong guess. And there are three of them! The odds are stacked against me! Is that all in my head? If you ask any one of them or my husband, they will tell you, “Yes.” But think about it. Even logically, I knew that I needed to be at my most calm, best and easy going self to survive this trip. I think this is the first time ever I wished my mother-in-law was with me! I certainly wouldn’t have wished this experience on anyone else. No girlfriend could have taken it. I know I am in a “special mom place” when I am in the mother hen role. Since I no longer have my sister or my mom around to back me up, the only one who could have pulled it off was my MIL. Yet, would I come out alive after a trip with her and her grandchildren and son? Thankfully, I will never know for sure! But packed to the gills with chocolate, drinks, and allergy medicine, I knew I had everything I needed to make it through. Only five more states to go!

The Second Day I discovered myself in a State of Awe and Wonderment

We quickly drove through the dry barren desert area of Nevada and into Arizona in the first few hours of the drive. We spent most of the day driving through Utah. None of us had ever been through this part of Utah before. In fact, only my second son and myself had ever been to Utah. I went on a business trip to Salt Lake City once and my son had been to Park City with another family last Summer. So, this was very new and exciting. Driving through this part of the country is amazing and difficult to describe, but I will do my best.

We were truly in awe. The trek through Arizona was like being in the movie Cars. There is no doubt that the movie and the ride at California Adventure is based on someone’s travels on the very roads we were on. The rugged terrain, the mountains, cliffs and gulleys were crazy gorgeous, colorful, jagged, rocky and out of this world. It was a curvy, dangerous, and fun road to drive!

Everything seemed to smooth out when we entered Utah. The terrain was calm and the mountains were smooth and the lightly dusted mountain tops in the distance were soft and serene. It looked like someone had gone through moments before with powdered sugar and sifted it on the tops of the mountains that looked like giant mounds of lemon cookies. Then I began to notice that the shrubs and trees were getting bigger and the mountains were getting closer. We drove through them and it was no big deal. I thought, “Hey, this isn’t so bad. If this is the snow I had heard about, then we are doing great!” Little did I know!

The terrain changed drastically through this part of Utah. We saw every different kind of mountain that I could have ever imagined on this leg of the trip. They were all different sizes, shapes and colors. It felt like we went back in time. I imagined the dinosaurs walking over those giant rocks. I felt like we were on a different planet. The bright reds and coppers of the soil and the layers of rock jutting out of the ground at disturbing angles made me think of earthquakes and volcanoes. I had nothing but my imagination to keep me occupied during the long hours of driving in the middle of nowhere. For hours we saw nothing but mountains and sky. It was breathtaking. They are majestic. They are mystifying. They are high! The elevation grew with every mile. We are used to being at sea level! Before we knew it we were at the mile high mark. Over 5000 feet. And with each mile it got colder. I told the boys to bring jackets, none of us brought anything heavier than a sweatshirt! I think we had one coat between the five of us!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

We stopped for lunch at the halfway point at Green River, Utah. There was not much green and I didn’t see a river. It was dry and barren and barely anything in sight for miles. There was a stretch of road that was slightly inhabited. We stopped at a burger joint that would be worthy of a spot on the show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. We had green chile burgers and tater tots. It was delicious! I had a soft serve chocolate ice cream. We rested and the boys played ball in the parking lot. (Dirt road on the side of the building.) The boys play lacrosse and the locals were in awe having never seen such a thing. They were a hit!

As we made our way through Utah, we continued to see the most amazing views of mountains and scenery! Everything got bigger and bigger and I felt small as we zipped by in our “little” car. As we started to drive up through the mountains, around each turn I would notice we were driving higher and higher and there were more and more mountains. It seemed we would never get to the “top”. Around each bend there were more and bigger mountains to climb. Until we got to a point that seemed to be at the base of another set of mountains. Welcome to Colorado, the sign said! We were almost at our destination for the day! The time had changed and we realized we gained an hour. Were we an hour closer? No. In fact with the long stop for lunch and the time change, the time estimated for arrival to Fort Collins, Colorado was 9:00 PM.

When we finally did arrive in Fort Collins, with the time change accounted for, we had been travelling for 17 hours. technically that was just the first day! The boys weren’t too happy with me that first night! I haven’t even gotten to the part about the snow storm!

Read more about the trip in the next installment at Our Wild Rocky Mountain Drive.  Follow this blog to be notified when new posts are published or subscribe to the newsletter. If you are new here, please leave a comment and let me know. Heck, leave a comment anyway! I love to hear from you!

Subscribe to the newsletter

30 Health Blog Posts in 30 Days, Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

Honk if You Love Your Car! #NHBPM Day 9

I was in an automobile accident a few months ago.  Just before the accident, I had a strange feeling of insight. It was a moment of pure joy. I thought to myself, “You know what, things are good!”

Everything was going great. I even checked off the mental list. Getting along with my friends. Check. Up to date on what is going on with everyone in the family. Check. Everyone is healthy. Check.  Things are great with my hubby and the boys. Check. Got some money in the bank and bills are paid. Health, not bad. I have all the things that make me happy. I feel really good about this.

My internal blissful pep talk continued.  Work is good. Blogging is going great. Writing is taking off. I was almost done with my online courses for life coaching certification.  I have a plan and I have been working on that “Bucket List!” In fact, to top things off, I have the toys that I love. I have my iPhone with which I happily and openly enjoy my addiction. But the best thing ever is that I have something that I have wanted for so long and it’s mine, all mine, I have my Jeep!

When I was nineteen, I bought my first Jeep Wrangler.  I had to sell it after I got married because I could not afford the payments  I always wanted another one.  For years I put it out of my mind because it was impractical.   But now, the kids are big and I was finding myself alone driving around a seven passenger luxury minivan. So, I sold it and bought the car of my dreams.  The car of my youth.  My lovely, awesomely cute, utterly cool Jeep. I have gained popularity and notoriety that I have not known for many many years because of a vehicle. I love it. I am in love with it. I have never loved a thing so much. (Maybe for a little while I loved my engagement ring in a similar way. But that was in the beginning. Now I love it for sentimental reasons and for what it stands for.) Until now, I have not had the satisfactory feeling of loving something that I wanted, worked for, waited for, and got all on my own and according to plan that had nothing to do with anyone or anything else but my own true interests and desires.

I was driving along thinking about what a gorgeous day it was. Sunny and warm. I was cruising along Pacific Coast Highway on a perfectly clear summer afternoon. Enjoying the view of the ocean. Blasting the tunes. No worries. No hurry. Just enjoying the ride. I thought about how much I loved this moment and how much I loved my Jeep. We have a perfect relationship. My Jeep is used and a little old, like me, but still cute and feisty with lots of energy and strength. My Jeep is still fashionable enough and cool enough that even the teens and my husband enjoy riding in it, driving it, and they even love that it is mine. I feel good in it. The seat and controls are a perfect fit for me and for my body. I love the sound of the music coming from the stereo speakers on the roll bar.  I love the hum of the engine. I love the feel of driving it, kicking the clutch and shifting the gears, turning the steering wheel and leaning into a curve in the road.

I love everything about driving a Jeep. I love the looks I get when I am in it. I love the waves I get from other Jeep drivers.  I love the feeling of the warm sun on my shoulders and the cool wind on my legs as I drive along “topless” and “doorless” on a hot day. I love the freedom of not having to lock it or set an alarm on it because there are no doors and no roof to contain anything in it anyway. I love the way I giggle and smile just because it makes me feel so darn good. I never expected to like having a yellow vehicle and I know that sometimes it looks like a service vehicle at the beach, but I will say this, you can never be bummed out in a bright yellow car.  Every time I hopped in it, I was cheered right up!

There are some down sides.  I can’t go very fast in it. It sucks down a lot of gas. I can’t take many passengers with me. It’s not comfortable for passengers.  I can’t care about keeping a hairstyle. In fact, I have acquired a lot of hats and a ponytail is my basic go to style. There is not very much cargo space. I can’t go shopping in it if I plan to take more than one stop because there isn’t enough room to store my purchases and no way to lock them up. It’s bumpy and I spill my coffee going over the train tracks. But I don’t care about those things. I am in love. Maybe a bit too much. It’s not good to love something this much.

I wasn’t actively thinking about any of this at the time.  No, I was thinking about making tacos for the kids and their friends.  Yes, I was making a mental shopping list.  I was thinking about how much work would be, but how I felt good that day and I really wanted to make tacos.  I was wondering, where is that lazy susan?  I can put all the ingredients on it and have a taco bar.  Then. . . I saw a car turn right in front of me and as I slammed on my breaks, I thought, “Oh no, you didn’t!” Sccrreeeeaaaccchhhhh . . .  She did.  A woman turned left when I was driving along in oncoming traffic.  I had the right of way.  I had a green light.  I was not speeding.  She just went for it, I guess.  That is why my first thought was, “No you didn’t.”  But she did.  I tried with all my might and my Jeep worked to the best of its twelve-year-old ability.  All of that strength and steel and power went into stopping and avoiding a collision.  All of my driving experience and ability and strength and fortitude went into avoiding the accident.  The skid marks were at least ten feet long.  Sssccreeeaacchhhhh….. and in one heartbeat, one surreal little crystal clear moment of clarity, this IS happening “Dang it!” . . .CRASH! We collided in the intersection.

I was able to slow the Jeep down enough and turn to the left enough to avoid hitting her full on, but my right front end hit her right front end and then my car swerved around from the force of the collision and I came within inches of hitting another car ‘”head on” that was in the left turn lane of the street on the right,  perpendicular to the one I was originally travelling on.  I looked into the face of the woman in that car, it was  Jeep Cherokee, so we literally were eye to eye.  I remember looking at her and saying, “I can’t move, you are going to have to go around.” She just stared at me.  Later I realized she must have been in shock.  I almost just careened into her!  The accident happened right in front of her.  But my vehicle had stopped moving.  My Jeep took it’s last breath in that moment.  Airbags deployed, engine stalled, right front end bashed in, bumper crunched, and hood dented, it was over.  I knew instantly, these were my last moments in my beloved Jeep.  That sounds so stupid now.  But at the moment I was heartbroken.

I was worried about the woman who was in the other car.  I could tell that she was conscious, but she took a bad hit.  Her little import made of fiberglass was demolished.  It was no match for my steel.  You do not want to get in a collision with a Jeep.  Trust me.  There was broken glass everywhere from her vehicle.  I realized that my doors were not on and my top was not up, I had just sustained a serious accident in a convertible with glass and debris flying everywhere, and after a brief once over, I realized that I did not have a scratch on me.

All of these moments went by very fast.  People from inside the business on the corner were coming towards me and the other driver to help.  I reached over to get my purse and cell phone which were still on the passenger seat. (Weird.) I tried to start my car and it did not turn over.  I wanted to get out.  I guess I unbuckled my seat belt, but I don’t remember actually doing it.  My left knee hurt like it was scraped and bleeding, but I looked at it and nothing appeared hurt. I wasn’t bleeding.  I could barely breathe. I must have inhaled the powder from the airbag.   I swung my legs out of the Jeep and I went to step out and I couldn’t put my weight on my leg.  I almost fell.  I grabbed on to the steering wheel, a man was there who helped me.  I told him, “I think I broke my leg, I can’t walk on it.”

A few people helped me over to the curb.  Someone brought me ice for my leg.  Someone brought me a chair and helped me to move over to the shade.  Someone was helping the other woman, too.  Everyone was asking questions.  I was crying.  She was in shock.  She could barely speak.  Her pale face was marked by her black mascara as her tears ran down her cheeks.  She was horrified.  It was heartbreaking.  I couldn’t stop looking at my Jeep.  It still looked good.  Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.  From where we sat bruised and shaken, the vehicles looked okay.

People were trying to start it and move it out of the intersection, when the horn started blaring. The police arrived.  Someone had called an ambulance.  The EMTs arrived.  A tow truck arrived.  I called home.  My husband was on the way.  I asked someone who worked at the Starbucks on the corner to use my cell phone and take pictures of the scene.  (Later, when I looked at the pictures I realized how delusional I was to think that the accident wasn’t that bad.  My Jeep was not getting fixed. Both cars were toast.) I was being asked so many questions and for every one of them, my answer was, “I have that on a card.” I handed out my Auto Club card, my auto insurance card, my driver’s license, my business card, and most helpful – my “I am a Diabetic” card.  Sometime ago, I received some pamphlet that had a card that said, “I HAVE DIABETES, if I am unresponsive please call 911 immediately.  There are blank spaces to fill in name, medicines, allergies, doctor name and phone number, and emergency contact name and phone number.   I had filled in this card and kept it in my wallet.  It came in handy when the paramedics asked me if I am taking any medications.

When I was moved onto a stretcher and put in the ambulance and my Jeep was loaded onto a flat-bed tow truck, I realized that I loved that thing too much.  It can be (and was) replaced.  I have so much more in my life to be grateful for and love. It is true that it brought me much joy and excitement.  Yet, I know that it is my zest for life that made it so.

After hours in the ER, x-rays, and examinations, I found out that it was a sprained ankle that I couldn’t step on.  Nothing was broken. I am all better now.  Even though it was a few months ago and I have healed, I still feel phantom pain in my knee where I thought that I was bleeding that day.

Although I am sharing this as a ‘memory’ with the National Health Blog Post Month for WEGO Health, I had already been writing this for weeks.  Unsure when or why I would post it.  It is nothing more than a happening.  A memory.   A blip in my life.  Okay, it is a bit more.  I learned something about myself.  After mourning for my beloved yellow Jeep and getting over the loss of the thing that I cherished so much, I realized that it wasn’t the Jeep that made me cool, or interesting, or fun.  It’s me.  I am those things.  I was those things the twelve years that I drove the mom-mobile, aka mini-van.  But for whatever reason, I didn’t care about those things and they didn’t come out as much back then.

There is an undeniable pleasure that comes with driving a “fun car” or a convertible, or a status symbol.  Combine that with appreciating every good health day and truly living and enjoying every experience in my day-to-day life while mixing it up with the gratitude in my heart for every chance that I have to do so, and I can’t help but rock it in my new Jeep!  Close friends asked me why would I get another Jeep after the accident.  Perhaps a safer or newer vehicle would suit me better.  As if I was using the Jeep to get something out of my system.  As if it had been a mid-life crisis pacification.  As if by crashing it, that part of my life is now over and I should go back to driving a more sensible car.  As if it was unlucky or something.  I will admit, I considered other makes and models briefly.  But all the cars had the same criteria.  They had to be fun, convertible and old.  (Just like me!) When the insurance money came and my ankle was healed, it did not take long to find a Jeep that was comparable to my last one.  Once behind the wheel, I knew it was the right thing for me.  Most people think that I got the yellow one painted red.  As if I would change the color to suit my mood!  Hey, there’s an idea!