Everything Miz Meliz, I Love My LIfe

The Magic of Self Confidence

“We do not need magic to transform our world.  We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.” – J.K. Rowling

I believe that when considering my authenticity, acceptance is key.  In order to honestly accept myself as I am, I feel the need to cultivate my connection with my inner self.  Cultivate means working on it.  Yes, this may take a little work.  This means digging deeper, looking at myself and asking the difficult questions.  And then, looking at the answers.  This is more than self-discovery.  This is self-care.

I might start with a simple question. . .

Who am I?

Who am I, really?  This is a pretty deep question.  I am in touch with who I really am.  It actually took  a lot of work to “find myself.”  I had to separate from that shell of a person that I had been trying so hard to become.  I was trying for so long to fit in that mold.  To live up to the expectations that I (and others who influenced me) set.  I had to decide and accept that I am not just okay with who I have become, but I am happy with who I am.

I finally accepted that the people I care about love me just the way I am.  My husband, who is a pretty good judge of character, fell in love with and married me.  Me.  Just the way I was when I was a teenager.  He loved me and was attracted to me when we got engaged, got married, had children, and through everything that has happened since.  If he likes me, I must not be that bad the way I am.

“I aim to meet myself with loving acceptance.  I aim to strengthen the voice of my inner sweetheart.” – Marianne Elliott

I realized that I was worth loving.  I liked myself just fine.  If I project who I am on the inside to everyone I know and show them the real me, the actual me, not who I wish to be, then I will be my authentic self.  I didn’t give up on striving to be a better person.  Don’t get me wrong.  But I did stop trying so hard to “measure up” and be something that I wasn’t already naturally.

It was easy to accept that my kids love me unconditionally and they have no pre-conceived notions of what I wanted to be or who I set out to be.  My children are unaware of my failed attempts at a career, my lofty goals, and everything I hoped I would be by the time they grew up. They love me, truly love me, because I am their mom.  Just because.  Even when I want to change something like my hair style or lose weight, they hem and haw – they want me to stay the same – always. I can relate to that.  I had the same feelings for my mom.  Change is hard to accept.  My point is, that I realized that I was good enough for these amazing people.  I realized that God made me perfectly fine.  I realized that I was born this way.  I was born completely me. However you would like to put it – I am who I am.  And it’s not bad. In fact I think I’m pretty good.

“What I am is good enough, even for me.” From Out of the Dust, By Karen Hesse

Strengthening the voice of my inner sweetheart means to stop listening to my inner critic and actually listen to the inner sweetheart.  I need to give her more credit.  After all, she knows what she is talking about, too!  She is positive and helpful and most of all , loving.  What a sweetie!  She is soft and good-natured and means well.  She is getting stronger every day.  My inner sweetheart is a winner!

As Marianne Elliott says: “Ultimately we want to be able to call up our inner sweetheart anytime we do anything that requires vulnerability and courage, you can call upon your inner sweetheart when you need a kind word, and the encouragement to carry on.  Because, remember, being kind to yourself is at the heart of finding your own place of peace in the midst of chaos, conflict and even war.”

What does this have to do with self-confidence?  What does it have to do with magic?


The key to having confidence in yourself is, in fact, loving yourself!  Listen to your inner sweetheart.  Believe in yourself and your capabilities. Love who you are right now. Go out there and shine brightly!

Look in the mirror and say, “Hey, I’m lookin’ good today! I am great!”

And here is the magical part. . .

Everyone else will agree with you.  You are great!

10 thoughts on “The Magic of Self Confidence”

  1. Love this! I had great self confidence until I went to college where I was hit with social and financial social class structures that I had never experienced before. The damage was huge. I was never thin enough, pretty enough or smart enough. I withdrew and grew a shyness that I never had before because I doubted myself. I want to make sure pumpkin never goes through that.

    1. Just love her and let her know that you will always have her back. You are talented, smart and so kind. Believe the kind words you tell yourself. You are already doing the right things.

  2. Self-confidence is so hard for me. I never had it growing up… my father always wanted me to be better… do better. Nothing I did was up to his standards and he made me feel like I was a huge disappointment to him. He never told me I was pretty or smart or good or enough. I do understand that my kids love me unconditionally, but I still have doubts about myself. When you don’t have someone actually telling you you’re great while you are young and impressionable, it’s hard to find that for yourself as an adult. I’m still trying. I don’t want that for my girls, so I tell them all the time how beautiful and smart they are. I want them to grow up thinking they can do anything.

    1. You are great. You are fantastic! It’s never too late to believe the truth about yourself. Find your inner sweetheart and listen. Tell your kids to believe in themselves. Just love them and accept them. Its so easy. We make it too hard. You are doing everything you can for them. You are amazing!

  3. What has been confusing for me, something I am only now come to understand, is I don’t have to FEEL love for every single part of myself, to love myself. I can love myself without feeling a warm gushy feeling towards my rolls o’ fat – I simply have to accept that okay, they are present, AND they don’t make me any less a lovable person. I am still beautiful and I am more than the sum of my parts.

    1. Exactly! And do you know what? Somewhere, someone is attracted to those parts that you might not think are beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You don’t need to consider yourself beautiful to love yourself. Love that you are alive. Love that you have a gracious heart. Love that you have an intrepid mind. Love that you are capable of making a difference.

  4. Thank you, There are a few keys in there, I know. If you want to unlock the doors to self-discovery and find the authentic you, it may take a few keys I guess. Self-acceptance opens your heart to be your true self, being confident requires loving your true self.

  5. Thank you Melissa for your poignant piece! Being your own sweetheart is hard. I seek mine through accomplishing outdoor adventures. Setting goals and accomplishing them helps to remind me that I am great and can do anything I set my heart and mind to. Thank you for sharing your inspiration.

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