If you would like to take the Kindhearted Blogger Pledge, see Em Jay & Me’s Blog, it is awesome!
I have been contemplating acts of kindness and compassion and how they are received. I have been going around and around with the thought that when someone acts with intentions of kindness and love, the recipient should be accepting even if they don’t want or feel they need that particular thing at that moment.
This thought process came to light out of my desire to help my friends and unfortunately, I overstepped. My intentions were misunderstood as criticism. I meant to be helpful and I offered guidance in a safe place that I believed was about supporting each other. My ego was bruised because I didn’t want to hear, “I don’t need your help. If I wanted your help, I would ask for it.” I wanted to hear, “Thanks, I will consider that.” or at the very least, “I will consider it.” Or, at the very very least, nothing.
It turned out that I was called out publicly and the more I tried to express my opinion, the more I was hurting the person who didn’t want my help in the first place. I was sucked into the situation when I proceeded to prove my point rather than back off. I realized too late that I was doing more harm than good. This resulted in hurting the person who I intended to help. I thought I was doing something nice, but my action ended up seeming to be an attack on her expertise.
The fact is, I wanted to help her because I really like and respect her. My ego was injured because I was shut down. I found out that I am not someone who is trusted to give advice in this area. In fact, this particular person may not be able to ever accept help from me. She would probably never ask me for help. She either does not want help at all, or she does not want it from me. Either way, if I ever had her respect, I no longer do.
So, I reflected on acceptance and respect. I was hoping that I could make the point that sometimes the giver needs to give and honestly gives with love, without expecting anything in return. Truthfully, I was still in the wrong because when I gave something that I thought would be helpful, I acted quickly and did not take the time to see if it was needed or wanted.
I apologized to the person and I hope that she will eventually forgive me. I am thankful to have learned this lesson, but hope that she is not resentful that I learned it at her expense. Unfortunately, she misread my intentions and I believe she took it as me pointing out flaws when I was in fact trying to point out her brilliance.
I still believe it is best for me to accept the kindness of others graciously. I will always say, “Thank you, I appreciate your kindness.” If they offer advice I will say, “Thanks, I will consider that.” Even if I think the advice is not needed or unnecessary. I will remain open and lovingly accept anything a kindhearted person is willing to give me. I will pay forward that loving attitude. I will be more cautious in giving of myself in areas where I feel I can be helpful. I will stop myself and ask, “Do you want my help?”
In all of my relationships, I vow to keep asking, “What do you need from me. How can I help?”
Please share your thoughts with me in the comments.
Have you learned a valuable lesson through blogging or sharing your own story? Tell me about it. . .
Read the post I was working on when this all came about, The Practice of Being Kindhearted.
If you want to find out more about Melissa Reyes and Life Coaching, check out http://mizbizevents.com