Let Go of Negativity and Move On

Posted on August 20th, 2015 by & filed under Discoveries, Everything Miz Meliz, I Love My LIfe, Intentional

This is a re-post, originally published on April 18, 2014

I am in Love! I Love My Life! It isn’t always easy. It’s a choice.

The past has no power over the present moment.Acceptance

I first saved the quotes in this post and started writing it in October 2013. I saved it in a draft file. The topic came up again recently and caused me to revisit it. As I began to write this, the thoughts and ideas sounded familiar to me. When I found the quotes stored in my draft files, I was not surprised that I have had this in the back of my mind. It is an integral part of my message, my core beliefs. This is about Falling in Love with Acceptance and Letting Go of Negativity:

“Always fall in love with what you are asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever’s going. Not against: with.” ~Robert Frost

Are you happy? Can you be happy and negative at the same time? I think perhaps some people can. For some, it makes them happy and satisfied to express their opinion openly. It may be the way they choose to live and be. Maybe they don’t want to be stifled. So, I accept that there is a place for what can be perceived as negativity. My eyes have been opened to the fact that saying negative things and having strong opinions either for or against issues does not mean a person is negative or even unhappy. Everyone is free to say what they want to say and feel how they want to feel. That is a part of acceptance.

Is not sharing outwardly your strong negative feelings about things a sign of weakness, or strength? I come from a place of depression and anxiety. I work hard to choose happiness and joy on a daily basis. I have suffered loss in my life. I have overcome major obstacles in my relationships. I have survived tragedy and serious health issues. I have experienced racism, sexism, ageism, and I have been challenged for my religious beliefs. I have been discriminated against for being overweight. I have been called a hypocrite for supporting gay friends. I don’t always fit in. I don’t always agree with the status quo.

What you believe in your heart and what you stand for comes through your actions more so than your words. Anyone can say they believe in something, and you can agree with them. When you choose to make it a core belief, you don’t have to talk about it. You live it. You model the behavior. You walk the talk.

Staying in Control

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change, rather than allowing it to master you.~Sri Ram

I choose to believe in hope and I practice unconditional love. Does this make me seem weak and without opinion or position to others who do not know my personal history? It’s something to think about next time you judge someone for what they don’t say. They might be biting their lip and making a strong choice to remain positive.

I have been told that statements I make seem passive aggressive at times. When statements are taken out of context, or perceived by someone other than the intended audience, without background or history – I can see how my statements could be understood to be passive aggressive. It is all in the interpretation of the reader.

I am often so conscientious as to not offend anyone when making a statement, that my carefully chosen wording ends up sounding passive aggressive. I also have a wicked sense of humor that does not come across the written word (unless you know me well.) As a writer, expressing oneself is a learned skill. The bottom line is, I am an honest person. I am careful not to hurt feelings. I prefer not to confront others. I usually let things go. If I decide that I need to say something to someone, I will confront them honestly and privately.

“Passive-aggressive means that a person finds ways to express himself indirectly so that he doesn’t have to admit how he really feels or thinks. Typically, the term is associated with feelings of bottled up anger, but more broadly, it refers to being untruthful about any emotion or desire (passivity) and retaliating against the frustrations arising from being unable to be honest (aggression). Professionals think that, for the most part, acting this way is a coping mechanism that an individual learns over time. With a lack of honesty potentially leading to problems such as relationship conflicts and insecurity, it is usually to a person’s benefit to try to stop the behavior in some way, such as by practicing “I” language.” ~WiseGeek.org

I respect others and their opinions. I don’t often find it necessary to share my own opinions outwardly or publicly. If you want to know what I am about, you can ask me, read my blog or my book. I am open and happy to share my feelings and ideas with you. I accept you for who you are.  Honestly.

2013-02-01 18.20.00

Let it Go

Thinking about this reminded me of an app that I was asked to review some time ago. I liked the idea of it, but the app itself didn’t do anything for me personally, so I didn’t review it at the time. I kept it in the draft folder in case I wanted to refer to it – knowing the concept brought up emotions that I wanted to address eventually. (I know that after you read this you will have the song, “Let it Go” in your head, like I do right now. It’s okay. It’s a great song!)

Nate Stein is a 24 year old musician/entrepreneur living in Santa Cruz, CA.  He created a self-help app that he considers to be great for healing.  It started after a break up he had when he was having trouble letting his negative thoughts go.  He said, “There should be an app for this.”  He had never made a mobile app before but after a lot of research and some help from a friend, he created Let It Go.  Here is how he describes the FREE self-help app…

Let It Go allows you to deal with your problems in a unique way. Write down anything that’s bothering you and Let It Go will release the negative thought for you! The releasing process is completely random for each thought and takes between 1 and 72 hours. Live freely and Let It Go! (Disclosure)

“I want people to benefit from my app and utilize it as a helpful tool.  I would love for more people to be aware of the app and most importantly the process of letting something go.” ~Nate Stein

Stand Up For Your Rights

Yeah, but what about standing up for yourself? How about defending yourself and others? What about making a difference? What about fighting the good fight?

letting go

We are called to fight the good fight. It’s our duty to help others. We wouldn’t stand by and let someone get picked on by a bully or watch someone being demeaned in our presence. Sometimes we must speak up. I will speak up and express my concerns when it matters to me or someone I love. There are some things that are unacceptable.

“But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

I have been inspired by Maya Angelou who does not accept racist remarks or jokes that put others down in her presence. She says, “Not in my house.” And She has actually asked people to leave her home when they crossed the line. I have never gone that far, but I will walk away from a conversation or change the subject if I don’t feel it is appropriate for me. There are some things I will not tolerate in my presence. I don’t always feel up to a confrontation and I am passive in the sense that I don’t feel like I need to correct other people publicly. I am clear about my convictions and I ask that others respect my beliefs.

It Takes Courage To Defend Your Convictions

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

Standing up for what you believe in is one of the most important skills you’ll need in life. People in life will always try to knock you down, but as long as you get back up, you’re showing them that you can stand for what you believe in.

I realize that many people agree with the idea of standing up for what they believe in and some call the process, “speaking from their soapbox.”  They want to right the wrongs of society. They want to explain to everyone the correct way of doing things or at least offer their opinion. I think this can be an effective way of getting one’s point across. I have a sopabox I suppose, in my blog. Social media is a sea of soapboxes. Everyone is shouting out what they stand for. Some people flock to listen. Some voices carry loudly far and wide. Some voices float around like a soft whisper.

I have been considering what it takes to be a person of action. I have been told that I am one who “gets things done.” I believe that one person can change the world. I believe that together, we can make a difference. Other than talking about it or even writing about it, what can I do to stand up for my beliefs? I was going to make a list. I Googled it and found a great example:

Here are some Steps from Wiki How:

  1. Believe in Yourself. The first step to getting anyone to believe in you is believing in yourself. Do not let yourself think negatively. If you want to stand up for a good cause, you need to believe that you can make a difference. The ones who don’t make differences are the ones who don’t think they can. Know what you are capable of. Never have doubts in yourself. You are capable of anything as long as you believe you can do it. Don’t listen to others put you down. The only reason why people say that you can’t do something is because they don’t think that they themselves could do it. Prove them wrong. Don’t cave in to their insults, and stand up for what you believe in.
  2. Write it out. Often times, a letter is required to fully get your point across. As an example, if you believe something in the school system should be changed, you will need to contact the principal. Make sure that your letter is persuasive. Make sure you clearly state what you believe in. Add persuasive points, and offer help to complete the task. Seem dignified. Use clever phrasing of words. Show them that you are intelligent, and that you understand what you’re talking about.
  3.  Know what you believe in. Many people don’t realize that they don’t actually know what they believe in. Think it through- Am I doing this because it’s for a good cause? Am I doing this because of a trend? Will I probably still think this way in a few months?
  4. Are you being seduced by someone else’s plight? Do you really think this way? You may actually lie to yourself just so that you believe you are doing it for the right reasons. Only you can determine if you really believe in something, not a trend.
  5. Follow through. Don’t start a petition, and then never hand it in. In order for people to really believe you are serious, you need to show them that you are dedicated. Leave no loose ends. Plan out any presentations, respond to arguments, and don’t waste people’s time. Why would you get everyone worked up about a show if you don’t even have it planned? Don’t get in an in depth conversation with someone discussing your thoughts just to no longer believe in what you did a few weeks later. Remember, you need to finish what you started.
  6. Get help if needed. Some jobs are just too large to accomplish on your own. Inform friends and family about what you’re doing, and tell them to tell others. Another way of doing this is starting a petition. Make sure that what you’re doing is actually for a good cause.

Important Reminders:

  • When you’re talking to a person don’t raise your voice UNLESS you MUST. Get help if needed.
  • Writing a letter or starting a petition greatly improves your chances of people believing in you.
  • Follow through with what you want, or you might as well be wasting everyone’s time.
  • Don’t get too excited. Sometimes, things may not go as planned.
  • Avoid getting into fights with people just because they may believe differently than you.
  • It’s okay to keep your feelings to yourself. Choose your battles wisely.

Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Stand-Up-for-Something-You-Believe-In

Think of positive ways to express your beliefs. Remember, if you can’t say something nice – sometimes it is better to not say anything at all. Choose your words carefully. As Miguel Ruiz says in his book, The Four Agreements, “Be impeccable with your word.”

It is my core value to model positivity and unconditional love. What is your core value? How can you change the world and make a difference by practicing what you believe in a passive way? What do you think?

 

Tags: , , , ,

2 responses to “Let Go of Negativity and Move On”

  1. marc zazeela says:

    Meliz,

    I believe acceptance is key. We must learn to accept that which we cannot change. Take control over what you can and leave the rest be. Don’t dwell on the past and don’t worry about the future.

    Live in the moment.

    Cheers,
    Marc

  2. Christine @ One TIPsy Chick says:

    Great article. My favorite quote is: “Happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.” ― Karen S. Magee

Join the conversation

%d bloggers like this: