Give Yourself a Break! It’s OK to Say “No, Thank You.”

Posted on December 19th, 2012 by & filed under Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

When asked about her best moment in 2012 artist Liz Crain says, “Finally being able to refuse commissioned work I don’t want to take on without feeling cheesy, awkward, apologetic or wrong. Doing so with ease and a smile, even a soft joke that leaves the requester still on my team. I learned this comes from my solar plexus not my brain with its dutiful, people-pleasing programming.”

That reminds me of a time when I learned to say “no” – looking back, I see how much it changed my life. I am a people pleaser, too. I never wanted to let someone down. Someone recently cancelled on me after committing to do some volunteer work and it was the 2nd time she cancelled on a project that I really needed her for, and I thought “she is someone who has not learned to say, I want to, but I just can’t. Thank you for thinking of me.” It makes such a difference. Especially when you do commit to something and you can do it and you do your absolutely best ‘knock-their-socks-off work and it shows.

Take a look at this video to see a great explanation of this point. . . “Hell Yeah or No!”

http://vimeo.com/25496723

I have been consistently doing that for about ten years now and you know what? I still have friends, I am still asked to work on projects, I still participate in things – and I do it to the best of my capabilities.

This makes me proud.  I have three kids.  I started out wanting to be “fair” and doing the same things with each of them.  Mommy & Me class, soccer team mom, room parent, etc.  My mom used to tell me, “You are doing too much.  Life isn’t fair.  They won’t remember all of the things you do.”  But I was trying to do the right thing.  I was trying to be that Super Mom.  I needed to learn to say “no” to the things I felt obliged to do.  I love it when I have the time and energy to devote to the the things that I can say, “Hell Yeah!” to.time is running out

Peter Bregman, author of 18 Minutes, calls it “flexing his no thanks muscles.”  He actually has a “No Thank You List.”  Peter says, “Of course, the reason we’re saying, “no thanks,” is so that we can say, “yes please,” to the right things. The reason I didn’t join the committee is so I can focus on my book. The reason I passed on the dinner is so I can focus on my family. The reason I didn’t take on that project is so I can focus on this other one instead.”

Now it is the holiday season and the countdown to vacation.  I can’t wait!  I am super excited.  Not as much for the shopping and the parties as much as the relaxation!  I may say “no thank you” to a few things.  I need this time to focus on me and my family.  I plan to take walks with my husband and cook for my boys.  I plan to write and work on projects.

What are you planning to do?  Will you be saying “no thank you” to anything over the next few weeks?

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2 responses to “Give Yourself a Break! It’s OK to Say “No, Thank You.””

  1. andie says:

    Absolutely. I’m saying no thank you to the idea of having to get everything done perfectly. It is just not possible. So I am embracing the imperfection.

  2. Saying “no” is an important lesson to learn, especially for a small business owner. It’s easy to become bogged down and over-worked. It’s important to choose your clients, once you’re successful enough to be in that position. Don’t accept work that isn’t going to be beneficial in the longterm.

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