Change: It’s in the Air

Posted on March 14th, 2013 by & filed under Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz

"Onward and Upward" photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2012 http://mizmeliz.com

Change

Change is in the air that I breathe.
It is in every single breath I take.
It is just like the scent of orange blossoms
 and night-blooming jasmine.
Change engulfs me as I breathe it in.
There is no escaping it.
It is in the air I breathe.
Change is now within.
~Melissa Reyes 3-14-13

This is about healing.

This is about healing and moving on after experiencing the loss of a loved one.  It is about love and joy and forgiveness.  It is about letting go and moving forward. This is about taking care of myself.  Healing myself. Forgiving myself for the sadness I feel.

 “As far as taking care of myself, I try to do it through love and kindness. I now take time to forgive myself for mistakes, for not getting everything done, for taking a walk instead of finishing up client work if I need to and all the other little things I used to feel guilty for on a daily basis. I remind myself that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone or myself. But, I can still promise to do my best and that’s enough.” ~Naomi Niles

A shift in the balance of my world is happening. 

My sister (who passed away in July 2011, 18 months ago) was married to a great man for 25 years. In fact she died on their anniversary. They were a very romantic couple and they have an amazing story. I am still very close to my brother-in-law. He is a dear friend, confidant, and brother in every sense. I trust him and care deeply for him. That is why I was happy when he told me he is getting remarried. Deep inside I am sad because I am still grieving the untimely death of my sister and sad over how things turned out and what could have been. That is the first shift that my heart bleeds over.

They call it a major life change.

Another bitter-sweet thing happening in my life is that my oldest son is graduating from high school and will be going away to college. Our home and family dynamics will be changing. One of my babies is about to fly off on his own and leave the nest. He is my most independent child. He has always been my little helper. I have every confidence that he will be fine on his own. He has become a fine young man and I am quite proud of him. But what will become of us? How will the two younger brothers get along? What will it be like with just the four of us. And in a few years, three? And then one day, just the two of us?  Empty Nest Syndrome is hitting me hard. My heart is shaken. My mind is mush. My emotions are running high.

I am experiencing a new set of feelings. It’s not like anything I have been through before. It is excitement and joy mixed with equal parts sorrow and fear. All of the emotions are wrestling together and it is impossible to see who is winning. Which emotion is getting pinned, which one will come out on top. Should I cry? If I do cry will it be tears of happiness or sorrow? Or, both?

I am coping with the loss I feel. I miss my sister, my parents, the way things used to be when the kids were small. My biggest worries then were if I was spoiling my kids and if I was spending enough time with my family. No, it’s not possible to spoil a child. And no, I could never have spent enough time with my family. I wish I had some of those days back. Just one more Christmas or Easter. One more birthday. It’s so hard to move on and be happy. It is necessary. I know it is. I need to keep moving forward. I need to be happy about these changes. Because the people who are experiencing the change are doing the right things and they are moving on and they deserve to be happy.

“Challenges will continue to come. It is my choice to look for the joy or to let my spirit sink back into grief.  I choose joy.” ~Donna Thomas, Author

I choose to be happy, too!  I know it is a choice. I can get through it holding on to the past, gripping on tightly to the memories, dragging my feet trying desperately to not let go of the past because it was good and I loved it so much. Or, I can keep those memories safely in my heart where they can thrive inside of me, where I can embrace them joyfully as needed, and share the stories with my children and theirs someday of the remarkable and lovable family I have. I can skip happily forward, onward, and upward to better and more triumphant times.

"Onward and Upward" photo by Melissa Reyes Copyright 2012 http://mizmeliz.com

“For everything there is a season. . . a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep; and a time to laugh; a time to mourn; and a time to dance. . . ” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

I want my family to look at me and see a gracious, graceful, peaceful woman who has been touched by love and who shines joyfully. I do not want pity nor do I want a cloud of sorrow over me because I have lost my loved ones.  I live a blessed life. I was blessed to have amazing parents who loved me and a sister who inspired me. I am blessed to have a wonderful marriage and that my husband is my best friend. I am blessed to have great kids who make me proud.

These things will never ever change.

Love never dies.
People live forever in our heart.
Change is inevitable.
Nothing is insurmountable.
I can do this!

It’s time to shine!

If you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, a major break up, or you live with someone whose parent or sibling has passed away, you might benefit from reading more about the Stages of Grief.  See my post: When Grief Revisits Me and Good Grief: 8 Stages of Grief.

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18 responses to “Change: It’s in the Air”

  1. […] I realized that there is always an end before there can be a new beginning.  I contemplated how dealing with the empty nest syndrome is very much like letting go of my parents and sister since they died.  They will always be a part […]

  2. pstributes says:

    Poetry is healing! Keep writing!

  3. I know the feeling of empty nest. Both of my kids are gone and I am excited about my son coming home next weekend for spring break. I know it is hard to let the kids go, but with it come future opportunities and experiences for your son, and future happy memories as you watch him grow. I love the new look MizMeliz!. Blessings to you!

  4. Ann Odle says:

    I have so much I want to say here (and to give you a big hug)–but I’m sorry, I’m crying a little right now, trying to put my words together. I don’t really need to say anything though, because your words are so beautiful! I’m so glad we’re friends!

    • MizMeliz says:

      Oh I’m so sorry my friend! I am crying with you! I know this is fresh for you and it takes time, lots of time to find a new normal. I will never stop grieving. My folks passed away years and years ago and their memory is so much a part of my every day. That is comforting for me. All I can say is it takes time to move forward. And you will when the time is right for you. Hugs.

  5. Life’s changes are always a thump in the head. Experience tells you time will heal all things but sometimes that darn bump hangs around a lot longer than you expected. Each day is a new chance to go forward. Breathe and take that step. P.S. Empty Nesting is really much better than I thought!!!!

  6. Naomi Niles says:

    This is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing, Melissa!

    What’s fascinating to me about my own quote is that you sensed what my real intention was. Even though it was about productivity on the surface, it was really about the sense of loss that comes with burnout and wrapping too much of yourself into your work. Of course, that doesn’t even compare to the loss of a loved one.

    I look forward to seeing you shine!! 🙂

    • MizMeliz says:

      It is all relative Naomi. That walk you desperately need to take to “get away” from the work. The guilt you feel. This is going on in all of our relationships. Work, family, friends. Your ability to forgive yourself and promise to always do your best relates to all aspects of the human condition. Thank you for lending your quote to me and for visiting my blog!

  7. Damn girl… you made me cry. You are remarkable. You have a way of really capturing your feelings with words that is very hard for most people to do. Your opening poem is lovely. I love you so much and feel so blessed you came into my life. Your family is amazing and those boys are going to do big things. You should be so proud of all you’ve accomplished, but I know you have only just begun.

    • MizMeliz says:

      Thank you my friend! I was just reading this to my hubby when I got your comment. It is a good feeling to get these feelings into words and then to set them free. I feel lighter. And oh so loved! Thanks for being such a bog support!

  8. Ally says:

    I loved this blog post! I feel the same way often. It’s difficult to miss those we have lost and to yearn for our old memories when we are making new ones right now. Sometimes I feel guilty of this too. We must remember we all very blessed to have such a close loving big family! Not everyone is as lucky. The occasional longings for the past are normal and should be cherished. But we also need to take a look around and enjoy the current moment, as we are making new memories every day. And time sure does fly by! One thing we can find comfort in is that no matter what happens, we will always have family. I love you, Auntie Melis!!!

  9. This was written so beautiful MizMeliz! You have raised wonderful sons, and your family will continue to be close. But my words do not matter as of right now, if I were closer I’d run over and just give you a hug. xoxo. We’re here for you!

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