Workshops and Webinars

How To Be Who You Want To Be – When You Can’t Even Recognize Yourself

Posted on January 28th, 2016 by & filed under Everything Miz Meliz, Life Coaching, Workshops and Webinars

I am starting a monthly mini-retreat/workshop on Trainer.ly  You can sign up online and join me via live video chat from the comfort of your own home.

This is it people. If you need direction…I will guide you. If you are lost, I will help you find yourself. If you are dying inside, I can resuscitate you. I know how to operate the roller coaster. I can show you how to hit the reset button. You do get a do-over in life. You can start again, and again. Do you want to know HOW TO BE YOU? Let’s get going.

Discover and Believe in Yourself.

Step one: repeat after me, “I am here to be awesome!”

Let’s ROLL!

roller coaster

7 Questions and 10 Tips From the Women of New Media #ENMNCon15 @ENMNetwork @TenMiniTT

Posted on September 26th, 2015 by & filed under Connecting People, Everything Miz Meliz, See the Video on YouTube, Subscribe to MizMeliz on iTunes, Workshops and Webinars

When I spoke to the attendees at the recent Entertainment New Media Network Conference in Hollywood, CA – I talked to them about following their passions and using new technology to deliver their message. Video is the way to reach people around the world through social media like You Tube, Periscope, and Meerkat. I told them why I like to broadcast my show, Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town live on Blab.im. Since we had a great mix of experienced YouTubers, Streamers, and Scopers in the room, I asked them to write down their interest in video or their preference, what is the name of their show or what they would call it if they had one, and a tip or a question about vlogging. Here is what they submitted along with the answers that I promised them:

What New and Upcoming Vloggers Want to Know

1. Mary Ann of @Lilmondu

Mary Ann would like to do a show on You Tube. Her blog is A Cloth Life

Her question: How do you know what to vlog about vs. blog about? How do you choose a focus if you blog about, “whatever?”

Great question, Mary Ann! Personally, I think it is the same for both bloggin and vlogging. Focus on the things that you like to talk about. Share your story and you can’t go wrong.

2. Anita Utami of @OneSleepyMommy

Anita just started using Periscope and she likes it! Her blog’s name is One Sleepy Mommy. She doesn’t have a You Tube account yet.

Her question: How do you make sure that you are not oversharing your life on video?  How do you overcome your hesitance to be on the video. (I mean, my teeth are so crooked!)

I appreciate your candor Anita! I try not to think about the spaces in my teeth or my gray hair showing through. I just smile and shine my joyfulness about life and hope that is what the people see when they look at me. If they are nit-picky about how I look, they aren’t my audience anyway. As far as oversharing, it is wise to keep that to a minimum. Share the facts but not all the circumstances. Share how it made you feel, not all the details. When in doubt, leave it out. I like to make an outline or a list of what I want to share to keep me on track.

3. Liz Parker of @YesNoFilms

Liz says she doesn’t vlog much, she mostly does written film reviews. She might try You Tube. She likes Google Hangouts and Skype, but mostly for personal conversations. She has two blogs. Yes/NoFilms.com and BooksIThinkYouShouldRead.com

Her question: How is Meerkat different from Periscope.

Meerkat and Periscope are very similar in that they both allow you to stream live video using your cell phone. They are great for videos on the go. The only thing that differentiates them from each other are their features. I suggest trying both and choosing what appeals to you best. You might like Periscope for some things and Meerkat for others.

I find Meerkat to be a great community and I receive a lot of support from the people that I have met and follow on that platform. I also like the Cameo Feature, Picture Sharing, Screenshots, being able to take a Poll, and I never miss a comment because I can scroll back and see them all. I can also save the videos indefinitely to my Meerkat Library and Embed a player on my website. I am not familiar with the features on Persicope, but I love that it is easy to use and sometimes I enjoy seeing all those hearts float by.

4. Summer Rumsey of @Summerscraps

She might do a vlog that she will call, “Summer’s Scoops” and her blog is SummerScraps.com

Her Question: What tools do you use? Do you use special camera mounts, like selfie sticks?

You don’t need any special tools to make a video these days, other than your cell phone Summer. If you have an iPhone or an Android, there are apps that you can use to make wonderful videos. It’s easy to post them right to You Tube and even edit them in the app.

If you want to try out some cool tools, here are a few suggestions: I use a desk lamp with a vellum covering to diffuse the light and get a soft glow. I use a camera tripod with a cell phone attachment to hold the phone steady. I always put my phone in airplane mode, which helps with limiting interruptions. I use my earbuds and built in mic or a lapel microphone for the best sound.

5. Jana Seitcer of @MerlotMommy

If she had a show on Periscope or You Tube she would call it “Merlot Mommy” or “Wine Wednesday” or “Travel Tips Tuesday.”

Her question: What are your best quick editing tips?

When it comes to editing my show for You Tube and iTunes, I use Wonder Share Editing Software and Movie Maker for Windows. I try to cut out long pauses (dead air) and any references to specific dates. I also remove any silly mistakes like mispronouncing a name or place. I make it quick by going through it one time and not obsessing about all the “imperfections.” I trim it for time and if I feel fancy, I add some captions and some music. Then I add an opening sequence and record the closing. This all takes time and I like it to look a certain way.

Since live streaming is seen instantaneously, I don’t edit it anymore. What you see is what you get. So, I try to be mindful of speaking clearly and taking little breaks to keep things fresh. When the show is over, I embed the video directly on my blog and sometimes I put it in it’s “raw” unedited form directly on You Tube. But that’s me. I know I can always go back and edit it later.

6. Francia Benson of @FranciaBenson

Francia blogs at FranciaBensonGoneWild.com She wants to start doing You Tube videos.

She is a poet, journalist, fashion photographer and blogger. She is afraid of making a fool of herself. She says she has a hard time being herself on her blog. She feels self conscious. She has tried to do a few videos and got paralyzed with fear.

Her Question: How can she get over her fear and rock out some awesome vids?

The important thing to remember Francia, is that you don’t have to do video if it isn’t your thing. People will sense your fear and will wonder what is wrong. Don’t do it just to be doing the “in” thing. If you are passionate about trying it and want to make it work, you will find your way. There is no hard and fast rule that you have to be “on camera” to make a video. You can show the world what you see from the perspective of being behind the camera lense.

You might consider using a program like Linked In’s Slide Share where you can upload your photos to make a presentation video.

7. Camille Wall of @Camilledashana

Camille would like to use her iPhone video to Periscope and Facebook Live. She would call her show, “Sparks of Magic.” She wonders “What’s stopping me? Nerves. I am scared I will look and sound crazy. Also, I really don’t have much time.”

Her question: How do I overcome the fear of just turning on the camera?

If I were you Camille, I would start by taking short videos with your camera and practice. If you like it and want to try live streaming, do what all the ladies who are doing it and loving it say – – Just start! I know it sounds hard, but if you want it enough, you will do it. For me, I was challenged when someone asked me what was stopping me. I had all the tools I needed and I had wonderful ideas. You have a great name for your show! Run with it! Go for it! After all, what could go right?

MontiLoveGoldTransparentRibbonCurled

Tips from the Women of Video

1. Jen Levin of @TheJenLevin

You can find her on You Tube and Periscope with Finding My Inner Bombshell.

Her tip: Saying “please” and “thank you” and smiling will get you very far in life (and on video!)

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2. Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski of @baby_boomster

You can also find her @rebeccaolkowski @rebeccaforstadt and BabyBoomster.com

Rebecca’s podcast is at 2BoomerBabes.com She uses Periscope and You Tube.

Her tip: Drive traffic from streaming video to your website.

 

3. Sherry Meredith @SherryMeredith and GoCurvy.com

Her presence is on You Tube at “Go Curvy.”

Her tip: Embed your video player on your website.

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4. Alaia Williams of @AlaiaWilliams and AlaiaWilliams.com

She uses Periscope and Blab. Her show is called: “At the Helm”

Her tip: Be your imperfect self.

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5. Jill Swensen of @BeingSpiffy

She uses Periscope and Instagram. “Being Spiffy”

Her tip: Be You! Don’t try to sound or look like someone else. Your viewers love YOU!

6. Ashlee Prisbrey of @AshleeMarieCake

She loves Periscope and You Tube. Her show is Ashlee Marie Cakes

Her Playlists are: Time for Cake, In the Kitchen with Ashlee Marie, and Kitchen Tips

Her tip: Just start. Don’t wait until it is perfect, until you are thin, or you have high end equipment. Start and it will fall into place.

I am thrilled to announce that I will be interviewing Ashlee Marie on an upcoming episode of Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town!

I am thrilled to announce that I will be interviewing Ashlee Marie on an upcoming episode of Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town!

7. Leah Cevoli of @Leah_Cevoli

Leah uses You Tube. Her vlogs are “On the Road with Leah” and “Livin on a Dream”

Her tip: Be consistent! Be You! Just do it!

 

8. Margaret Salmond of @MargsWrld and MargsWorld.com

She uses You Tube and Periscope. Her upcoming podcast will be called, “Marg in L.A.” or “Marg’s World”

Her tip: It won’t be perfect but make sure that it is always you. Your authenticity will come through.

Mindy of Budget Fairytale

Mindy of Budget Fairytale

 9. Mindy Marzec of @MindyJoyM

Mindy uses Periscope. Her shows are “Budget Fairy Tale” and “Wedding Wednesdays”

Her tip: Don’t wait until everything is perfect.

10. Jill Cataldo of @SuperCouponing and JillCataldo.com

She uses You Tube and Facebook. Her topics are: Frugal Living, Couponing and Smart Shopping

Her tip: Spend less than you earn!

 MontiLoveGoldTransparentRibbonCurled

These Bloggers are not on Video – – yet!

What advice would you give them to get started in video?

If these ladies are daring enough to go ziplining - they can do anything!

If these ladies are daring enough to go zip-lining – they can do anything!

Notes on Rocking an Amazing Blog/Video #ENMNCon15

Posted on September 12th, 2015 by & filed under Everything Miz Meliz, Workshops and Webinars

It’s the night before I am speaking at the ENMN Conference about How to Use Vlogging to Be a Rockin’ Blogger, or something like that, and I am getting tired. I decided to write my thoughts and points I want to make on note cards. I organized the cards and then typed out an outline. I made a list. I am still not sure exactly what I will say or how I will deliver it. I know it will be from the heart.

Just in case I bomb completely… (No self-doubt here, just in case…you never know I could get laryngitis or something.)

Here are my notes:

Rocking Your Blog/Video Like a Super Star

By Melissa Reyes

September 11, 2015

 

Vlog, Vimeo, SnapChat, Live Streaming, Scope, Blab, podcast, You tube – call it what you will, it’s using video and it’s HOT!

Instagram Queen, Sue B Zimmerman said about using new media: “Stay “Top of Mind” via video – it builds the most authentic relationship.” (#inBound15/Hubspot)

I am not here to teach you how to make a video or to convince you which platform is best. I want to inspire you to try it – if you haven’t yet – and no matter what, if you like doing it, use it to your advantage as a tool to be extraordinary.

As bloggers our main focus is to build authority for our brand. Your brand is who you are, not what you do. You are the brand.

Here are some tips for being extraordinary at what you do:

  • Be original
  • Own the room – start small, expand your crowd, practice, be well rested and focused, know your audience, give credit where credit is due
  • Know your elevator pitch – 5 points about your blog in five short sentences that can be said in 60 seconds (My blog is a fun and lively place where I express my true self. I share stories about myself and my favorite things such as my love for Hollywood. I interview people who have achieved their goals and are living their purpose. I cover events and openings in Los Angeles. I review products, movies, and restaurants.)
  • Be useful – help your audience achieve their goals
  • Create Value
  • Be relevant
  • Earn the respect and trust of your audience
  • Be committed
  • Provide structure
  • Be intentional
  • Be consistent
  • Ask questions

Who are you blogging for?

What does your audience like to do?

Why do they like it?

What do they want?

How can you solve their needs?

How can you serve them best?

Being a Total Rock Star isn’t Easy:

  • Know your audience – offer help and solve problems
  • Imagine your audience – know how and why they follow you (not just demographics)
  • Know your specialty but don’t limit yourself
  • Be yourself – no one is perfect. You are valuable
  • When your followers get to know you, they will like you, then they will trust you
  • Listen and respond to your audience
  • When new things come along, try it, you might like it
  • If you like it, keep trying and make it work. If you enjoy it you will make it work.
  • Be conversational
  • Communicate in your own voice
  • Create an emotional connection
  • Share your story – share who you are
  • Don’t be afraid to share your struggle, challenges, hardships and how you overcame them (or are overcoming them)
  • Share your passions – create content that projects who you are

If You Build it…yes, they will flock to you!

  • Build community by engaging with viewers (readers) and have interaction with your followers
  • Be grateful – thank people and thank them again
  • Follow back and send a message on social media – send a video message
  • Pin a video tweet
  • If pictures paint 1000 words, a video projects thousands upon thousands of words
  • Share your story in new and engaging ways
  • What is your “thing?” If it is cat videos, share cat videos
  • Don’t be afraid to use video or live streaming or new platforms
  • Be your true self
  • Show your talents
  • Build confidence
  • Always be ready
  • Get help for things that you aren’t good at doing
  • Know your strengths and show off what you are good at doing
  • Remember the 3 most important factors for brands: frequency of your posts, quality of your posts, use of authentic voice
  • Make it fun
  • Be the rock star that you are!
If you would like to be on my talk show, Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town, and share your story, contact me at MizMeliz@Yahoo.com

If you would like to be on my talk show, Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town, and share your story, contact me at MizMeliz@Yahoo.com

Inspiring Words from the Super Heroes:

“Embrace your spotlight. Branding is who you are, not what you do.” – Marla Diann at Connect Her

“Show how you can align with brands by getting beneath the surface and share your experience and tell the story.” – Annie of Allison and Partners / Cheryl of Ventura Convention and Visitors Bureau

“It’s great to share the things you love, but also highlight the things your readers love.” – Angie of Affiliate Marketing / Rob of Find Your Influence

“Know how to be an irresistible room captivating rock star.” – Heidi Nazarudian

When I asked EJ Ford, the blind You Tuber why would he even want to make videos that he can’t see, his answer was simple – “Because it’s fun!”

Jill Simonian said when talking about owning your fails at Connect Her, “Stupider people than me have figured this out.”

 “You don’t have to do everything perfectly, as long as you do all you can.” – Libby Kennedy

“Distinguish yourself to establish credibility.” – Peggy Bendel

Super StarsTake aways from panel discussion at HRC Universal:

Be unapologetic
Do what you love
Organize
Focus
Be unique
Be different
Be confident

Take aways from publicist, Steve Rohr:

Discover
Explore
Be interesting
Be undeniable
Be collaborative

Suggestions for making great videos:

  • Some Basics – minimize gestures, learn how to light your face, keep a comfortable distance from the camera, check your background, make eye contact with the camera, not the image of yourself or another person onscreen
  • A good mic makes a big difference
  • Headphones eliminate feedback
  • Know about wifi signals and interference
  • Make sure nothing else is using your bandwidth
  • Shut down all other windows and devices
  • If you are using your phone – put it in airplane mode and plug it in before you start
  • Know the “rules” of the platform
  • Expect technical difficulties
  • Have a plan B in case tings don’t’ work

Ways to Rock Your post/video/blog:

  • Have a unique hashtag
  • Titles are vital – use the 6-7 word sentence
  • Be careful about dates and mentions of specific events in videos – keep it evergreen

Brands are asking for videos.

Brands want campaigns to be more personal.

Brands want to know you and what you are doing when you are not blogging.

When in doubt – put on some lipstick and smile!

MELISSA REYES (1)

Celebrate Good Times and Make Them All Good Times

Posted on May 22nd, 2015 by & filed under Be Inspired, Everything Miz Meliz, Valued by QBeats, Workshops and Webinars

Welcome to the last section and conclusion of Getting Your Rear in Gear with Miz Meliz. (This post is valued by QBeats, read why I feel it is important to support the writer of this work.It really all boils down to this. Celebrate the good times, and make them all good times. It may not be easy, but I will show you how I do it. When you get the hang of it, it is quite simple and life changing. If you haven’t read the previous five parts of this series, you might want to go back to the first one. It started with My Top 5 Tools To Set Goals and Make Things Happen. This is part six of the six part series on “Getting Your Rear in Gear.”

Reflect & Focus 6

Celebrate Good Times, and Make them all Good Times!

That sounds a little cliché, huh? Trite? Too easy. If only life were just that simple.

cliche

Here is the thing.

Even if you have heard it before, you need to hear it all the time.

Remind yourself all the time. Being positive is a choice. I choose happiness every day. When I get down, I remind myself that I don’t have to feel that way. Or, if there is a reason to be sad or upset, I don’t feel guilty about it. I allow myself to feel that way. Then, it’s up and at ’em. Try, try again.

Does that make sense?

Choose to be happy. Choose to celebrate every day? Why does that seem impossible? Why should it be so hard to do. The thing is, we think it should be hard, so we make it hard. We are so hard on ourselves. We don’t really let ourselves take the easy road. We hear time and time again to simplify. To just relax and take it easy. That conflicts with our understanding of ambition and drive. Is it possible to be both goal oriented and easy going? Can we be ambitious and driven while living in the moment and celebrating the every day?

Yes, my dear. Yes.

My inner critic says that all of this is dumb. It is too simple and flowery to be true. It can’t really be “the way.” It is overdone. Outdated. Tried it, didn’t work. Been there. Done that. Everything I do and everything say has been done and said before. Nothing is original. Nothing matters. I just have to grin and face it. I just have to find a way to cope. Life is hard. That is just the way it is. Nothing will ever change.

When I listen to myself, to my head, to my thoughts, I get depressed. Life is hard. It will continue to be unbearable if I keep up that attitude.

You might want to get yourself a cup of coffee or a glass of milk to wash down all the sugary sweetness I am about to feed you…are you ready?

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These sayings, cliches, memes, might sound sickeningly sweet or saccharin to you…but stick with me – there is a point to all of this. This is what it is like when you listen to your heart. The inner critic thinks with adjectives. The negative thoughts are always passive, aggressive, descriptive, mean.

When I get those thoughts, I replace them with these:

  • Think positive.
  • Take time for you all the time, not just when you need it.
  • Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
  • When things get tough, breathe.
  • Take a few breaths and repeat your mantra.
  • Close your eyes and imagine yourself at your “happy place.”
  • Put on your happy face.
  • Smile, you will feel better.
  • Practice gratitude.
  • Count your blessings.
  • Take a selfie. Smile!
  • Post a positive statement.
  • Share a funny cat video.
  • Do something nice for someone, just because.
  • Call a friend, just to say hello and ask them how they are doing.
  • Do something nice for yourself, just because.

Take Action:

Get a pen and paper and do this now.

Baby Steps or Giant Leaps

Share your positive statement or focus word for 2015, smile big, and shine! Think joyfully. Look at the sliver lining in each situation. If you can’t find one, allow yourself to be sad or angry because those are valid feelings. Own them. Don’t place blame or judgement on others. Let things go, reasonably. Learn from each situation.

See the goodness around you and if there isn’t anything good around you, be the goodness for yourself and others.

The thing is, being positive requires action. Actions involve movement. The word “celebrate” is a verb. All the words used to describe the action of celebration are verbs. Our heart wants us to live. Our heart tells us to do something about it. Get out of your negative thoughts and be joyful, do something special, live life with a gleeful heart.

Now You're Talkin'!

 

HOMEWORK

**Seek Happiness**

That is the assignment for the end of this workshop. Seek happiness. If you don’t feel happy, go out and get happy.

You already know what you need to do to refresh and renew and how important it is for continued success and peace of mind.  You are doing it.  You are here.

In conclusion, I ENCOURAGE YOU to celebrate the successes that you have enjoyed and remind you that every day we live and breathe is another one of those successes and another reason to celebrate.

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 Suggested Reading: 

  • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
  • A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink
  • Drive by Daniel Pink
  • 18 Minutes by Peter Bregman
  • Healing and Prevention Through Nutrition by Evita Ochel
  • The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben

“Action is the seed of change stirring within you, coaxed by the nutrients that encourage it’s growth.” ~ Raam Dev

Ideas give action hope
Vision gives action direction
Intention gives action focus
Inspiration gives action strength
Thoughts give action structure
Experience gives action validation.
Instead of doing stuff, just do.
Instead of trying to become someone, just be.
Instead of cultivating, cultivate.
Instead of living, live.
Forge action.

Contact Melissa Reyes at MizMeliz@Yahoo.com for inquiries, books, workshops, guest blog posts, Share the Love Tribe, interviews, Ten Minutes in Tinsel Town Video Podcast, or for Life Coaching.

*Definitions are from thefreedictionary.com, Graphics created on Canva.com

 

Thank you for being here. Share with me some ways that you celebrate and honor your life, your heart, with joyfulness.

Join me on Meerkat for LIVE COACHING @TenMiniTT

Join me on Meerkat for LIVE COACHING @TenMiniTT

Acknowledge Your Needs and Just Pause

Posted on March 2nd, 2015 by & filed under Everything Miz Meliz, Valued by QBeats, Workshops and Webinars

This is part five of the six posts in the series on Getting Your Rear in Gear for the Year. In this series, I share my favorite tools that help me stay balanced and focused in my life, in my work, and on my blog. This post is valued by QBeats. See my post on why I believe some things are worth paying for. Please support this blog, so I can continue to bring you valuable content.

“Wait, Pause!”

created with Canva by Melissa Reyes for http://mizmeliz.com all rights reserved photograph by Melissa Reyes copyright 2-23-15

In Define Your Style Envision Your Life’s Goals, I shared how I define my personal style and determine the core values behind my goals using a VISION BOARD. I showed you how making a MIND MAP can be useful to map out the steps needed to get where you want to go in Mind Map Your Intentions and See the Big Picture. I explained how having a FOCUS WORD, in It’s Never Too Late to Set a Focus – Decide on One Word Now, can help with inspiration and motivation while being true to yourself and your life’s ambitions. What tool has been most helpful to you?Reflect & Focus 5

If It is Slowing You Down and Causing Overwhelm, Stop Doing It

In this post I will share an extremely valuable tool that some would say is the most difficult to put into practice. I assure you, once you get the hang of it, it is really rather simple. It’s about not doing things. I hope to empower you to take a look at all the things you are doing right now and decide to stop doing some of them. I will also show you how it makes sense to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.” when you are asked to take on more than you should. I promise, no one will hate you. In fact, they will admire you for knowing your capabilities and always following through on the things you commit yourself to doing. I will help you to be prepared to say, “Yes” to the person, but “No” to the action.

So, think about it. Ask yourself these questions and take some notes:

  • What bogs you down?
  • What sets you back?
  • What are you doing now that takes you away from your focus?
  • What would happen if you started saying “No”?
  • What might happen if you simply stopped doing some of these things?

Some things that might come to mind for you could be like most Americans. We are caring for our older parents, we are over-committed at our jobs, we are volunteering at our kids’ schools, we are dealing with the demands of home ownership and/or maintenance, we are struggling to manage it all while trying to stay fit and healthy.

This may be the busy season at work, or you could be expecting a child, planning a trip, or going to school. All of these things are necessary parts of your life. You don’t want to give Inspiredfor2015_sclb5anything up. You can’t. You have been told to set goals and work towards making them happen. You have been planning and preparing and your time is now. “Think big.” “Fake it till you make it.” We have heard it before. We believe we can do it all.

Well. Now I am saying, you can stop. You can stop doing it all at once. We talked about envisioning our true desires and picturing our future selves. We talked about creating a plan to get there. We talked about having a focus that guides us along the way. Now, it is time to look at what we are doing right now. What can we stop doing to give us the time and energy to do our very best work on everything else? How can we pare back the big thorn bush of our lives and show off those amazing roses? How can we prepare ourselves to continue shining brightly all year long? I do it by saying, “No.”

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It isn’t easy. I want to do it all. But I simply can’t. It isn’t possible at the moment. Over time, yes – absolutely! But like my mom always said, “All things in moderation.” Well, she was always right!

So, What IS on Your Stop Doing List?

“If you are going to realize your intentions, what you stop doing is just as important as what you start and continue to do. This is where “quitting” crosses over to enlightenment. You know how to go, go, go. Stopping however, is the stuff smiling Zen masters with all the time in the world.” ~Danielle LaPorte

Time to get out your notebook:

  • Think about last year and as Danielle LaPorte says, “get very clear about what sucked.”
  • What didn’t work?
  • What made you feel resentful, guilty, unhappy?
  • What weighed you down or held you back? I used to call it my jello days – when it felt like I was wading through jello to just make it a few steps forward.
  • These things are what make you feel overwhelmed and keep you from what you are meant to do.
  • What will you stop doing now? List at least three things that you will stop doing, starting right now.

2012-11-15 06.04.51

 

If It Doesn’t Fit Into Your Plan it is Okay to Say “No, Thanks”

We are negotiating and working out deals all the time. Be a master negotiator. We may be negotiating for our business and/or blog, with our family and friends, all the time – whether we like it or not. Yet, when we are asked to do a project or favor or to sign up for our children’s school or activities, we feel obligated to just say, “Why, yes, of course you can count on me.”

Take out your notebook and jot down some answers to these questions:

  • Why do I feel I should always do these things, every time, even when I know it is not in my best interest?
  • List all the reasons that come to mind.
  • What would I say if given the chance to negotiate?
  • What terms are important to me when I accept a new responsibility?

Here are some of the most common reasons we tend to say yes all the time: fear of rejection, not wanting to disappoint people, being a people pleaser, being a fixer, having a reputation to uphold, feeling obligated, wanting to make a good impression, it is a tradition, it is an opportunity I don’t want to pass up, it may be the only chance like this, it could be a chance of a lifetime, I am honored because they asked me. Me!

Besides, it is impolite to say no. I was taught to be gracious. I am a positive person. Saying no seems negative. It makes me feel like a failure.

Read these posts and tell me what you think:

How to Stop Saying “Yes” When You Want to Say “No”  (from TinyBuddha)

“I realized that I was afraid of saying “no” because my biggest fear is rejection. I was afraid that every time I did this, I would disappoint someone, make them angry, hurt their feelings, or appear unkind or rude.” ~Chantalle Gerber

Chantalle Gerber offers these helpful tips for saying “no”:

  • Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to…”
  • Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons
  • Don’t lie. Lying will most likely lead to guilt, and that is what you want to avoid feeling.
  • Remember it is better to say no now than be resentful later.
  • Be polite, such as, “Thanks for asking.”
  • Practice saying, “no.” Imagine yourself in a situation and then practice saying no either by yourself or with a friend. This will help you feel comfortable saying “no.”
  • Don’t say, “I’ll think about it.” if you mean “no.” This will just prolong the situation and cause you stress.
  • Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for others.

Tweet this>> “Your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for others.”

 

“Yes” to the Person, “No” to the Task  (From MindTools)

You are a negotiator, even if you don’t think of yourself as one! But how well do you negotiate? Do you know how to recognize situations where negotiating is appropriate? And do you understand the elements of an effective negotiation?

Even though the extents of our negotiations vary, one principle remains the same: when both parties win, the outcome is often better. Whether someone asks you for a favor, or you need to agree on terms for a contract or project, you must collaborate to achieve a win-win solution.

When you collaborate, you consider everyone’s needs. Therefore, even if you have to say “no” to something, you’re still concerned about finding a way to get the other person’s needs met, and this allows you to say “yes” to the person.

Integration and collaboration are keys to this process. So, the next time you have to negotiate, look for a way to meet everyone’s needs, rather than leave one side with little or nothing.

created on Canva by Melissa Reyes all rights reserved copyright 2-24-2015 Melissa Reyes for http://mizmeliz.com

“Focus on the Right Things” ~Peter Bregman

Time for your note book. Get a new color ink pen and write your answers big and bold:

  • What is your Focus Word?
  • What are the things in your life that you want to focus on?
  • Who are the people you are most focused on?
  • What you do to refuel, reorient, and restart?
  • How do you care for yourself in this process?

How often do you get to the end of another long and frantic day and wonder why so many important things didn’t get finished? We’ve never worked so hard and felt so unproductive and unfulfilled. 18 MINUTES takes this challenge and turns it on its head. Peter Bregman, top Harvard Business Review columnist and global management consultant, shatters the myth of getting it all done by offering a clear and simple plan for getting the right things done. He shows how the best way to fight distracting interruptions is to create productive ones ourselves, a practice that can be easily implemented in 18 minutes a day. The result is a simple yet comprehensive approach to managing your life a year, a day, and a moment at a time so that your life moves forward the way you want and at the pace you want.

Make a “No, Thank You” List for yourself or for your blog.

  • What things will you say “no, thank you” to when they come up?
  • How will you negotiate and say “yes” to the person and “no” to the task?

Know when to say, “no” and how to say it in a way that keeps doors open and leaves an impression that you are one who values commitments and is trustworthy and responsible.

Are you feeling empowered?

It is a lot to take in.

Take your time to answer the questions and make your lists.

Keep it in a journal and reflect on your choices and thoughts now and then.

Feel free to ask questions or share your thoughts in the comments.

Next, I will bring it to a close with the sixth tool in my “Get Your Rear in Gear for the Year” kit.

It’s all about celebration!

 

 

Graphics created on Canva.com

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